Per Adversa Ad Luce:- Three:- Candorem : Incandescence
by lezzles1956
Summary: Kevin Ryan is finally starting to look forward to the future again; and it's all because of Alexis Castle. But what will his partners, especially Castle think, say and do? And does he really deserve a happy ending? Set a few months after theend of "Fulguris Lucem" This is a romance containing sweetness and light, with angst thrown in and a helping of humor.
1. The Lunch

AN: This is the third and final part of a three part Novella and if you haven't read the first two parts I would recommend that you do, before reading this, or much of it will make no sense.

The first part is called Per Adversa Ad Luce: - One:- Tenebris Procumbit - Darkness Falls; and it can be found at www _period_ fanfiction _period_ net /s/9758024/1/Per-Adversa-Ad-Luce-One-Tenebris-Proc umbit-Darkness-Falls

The second part is called Per Adversa Ad Luce: - Two:- Fulguris Lucem - Flashes of Light; and it can be found at www _period_ fanfiction _period_ net /s/9780399/1/Per-Adversa-Ad-Luce-Two-Fulguris-Luce m-Flashes-of-Light

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Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

AN - on the subject of their ages. Alexis was 15 at the start of Castle, so 3 years after the start of season 6 she will be around 23. I am putting Kevin at about 30 at the start. I know Seamus was older but with his baby boy looks he can get away with it. For this story that would make him about 38. Therefore the gap between them would be about 15 years.

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definition - INCANDESCENCE: The light emitted from a hot body

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_"Even on the worst days, there is a possibility for joy."_

Kate Beckett - Secret's Safe With Me

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Chapter One: Prandium - The Lunch

August 2016

* * *

...

"Do you realize he was laughing? Really laughing. I haven't heard Ryan do that in years; not since before Jenny was killed."

"Maybe we should have gotten Alexis to talk to him before."

She turned to look at him as he sat beside her desk, playing on his phone. "Would you mind that?"

"What?"

"If they got together? Kevin and Alexis?"

He looked up at her, startled and then turned to look contemplatively at Ryan working on his computer at his desk. He was concentrating on whatever he was doing, but a smile kept stealing across his face. Castle turned back to Kate and gave a smile himself.

"Do you know, I really don't think I would. Mind, that is."

…

Kevin Ryan was bored and frustrated. Two weeks before he had been chasing down a suspect with his partner, when he had slipped, tripped and twisted his ankle. He had been out of the chase, leaving the whole thing to Esposito, and then he had been stuck on desk duty for two weeks while he rested his ankle.

It was ridiculous! His ankle had been fine, relatively, over a week ago. But Beckett and Gates wouldn't listen to him, because the stupid thing was that he couldn't even identify whatever it was he had slipped, tripped or whatever over! They wanted to make sure his ankle was fully healed and that there was no chance it would not just give way on him. Esposito had looked sympathetic and then agreed with them!

He felt totally betrayed and BORED out of his mind with the constant catch up files. Because that was the other thing; as they were one down out in the field they had decided it would make sense for him to type up and complete all the paper work… for all three of them! So here he was with his arms aching from the constant typing, his head aching from constantly staring at a monitor for days on end and… bored… did he mention bored?!

He just wanted to escape for a few minutes. Something, anything to get away for a while, and then he found his prayers answered as a soft sweet voice spoke to him.

"Detective Ryan, is my dad around?" He turned from his desk and found himself catching his breath at the vision before him. Alexis Castle, still very recognizable, but even so, quite transformed.

The last time he had seen her, she had been a child. An extremely beautiful child, but nevertheless her face and body had still retained those features. But before him now, stood a woman, breathtaking and radiant. Her features had matured, her glorious red hair lay in soft curls on her shoulders and her bright blue eyes gleamed in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bullpen. Her figure had matured as well, and had developed into an alluring body with curves in all the right places. Wow!

There may be no romance in his future, as far as Ryan was concerned, but he was still a red-blooded male who could appreciate a beautiful woman. However, even as he replied to her, he told himself off in his head. '_Remember_', he thought, '_this is still Castle's kid, even if she is all grown up now_.'

"Sorry he's out with Beckett and Esposito, on a case. They only left about an hour ago, so probably won't be back for a while yet. Can I help?"

"I have a couple of appointments, but there's a gap and I was hoping to grab him for lunch. I hate eating alone, so yes you can help by coming and keeping me company. How about it?"

"Well I have these files to finish up and..." his voice trailed off as he saw the puppy dog expression on her face. Maybe she had grown up but she could still play the 'little girl lost' card very effectively.

"Please?"

"OK, but it needs to be nearby. How about the diner across the street?"

"That's fine. I've eaten there with Dad before and the food is quite good. AND they make an apple pie to die for!" Now that she had achieved her goal of a lunch-time companion, the puppy dog expression had cleared and her face was all smiles. Ryan smiled back, and shook his head slightly, then closed down his computer. They made their way to the elevator together, chatting as they walked.

…

At the diner they ordered their food, with of course the apple pie to follow, and then settled into a booth to talk and eat.

Ryan was amazed at the number of things they appeared to have in common. He had never before spent an extended amount of time with Alexis, alone at least. He had attended a couple of parties at the loft, but he had been with Jenny, there had been many other people there and Alexis had been occupied with her own friends. She may be more than a decade younger than him, but she had time-spanning and eclectic tastes in music, film and literature - probably from the influences of her father and grandmother - and many of her choices were also his.

She had musical tastes in common with her own generation, Taylor Swift for instance, but this was combined with a love of older music, the likes of Springsteen and the Beatles. Her tastes in films were similarly diverse, with modern films complemented by many a lot older, even than herself.

Currently they were having a spirited discussion on the merits of the two main male characters from the original _Star Wars_ trilogy, with Alexis firmly on the side of the Millennium Falcon pilot.

"Han Solo was definitely the far better character. He was arrogant on the surface, but with a touch of vulnerability which made him irresistible. I never understood why Leia seemed to prefer Luke at first."

"Because Luke Skywalker was a much better character! Come on; he got to fence with light sabres. So cool! When I was growing up I really, really, wanted to learn to fence. It looked so graceful and skilful and yet deadly all at the same time. Actually although I think the first trilogy were the better films, the BEST fight was in the _Phantom Menace_ when Obi Wan and Qui Jon took on Darth Maul."

"Well I agree with both those last points, but much as I love fencing I still say Han Solo is far and away the best. And anyway. he's played by Harrison Ford who is FAR better looking than Mark Hamil!" Ryan tilted his head and smirked at her.

"Well I'll leave that consideration to you, as I don't usually judge men by their looks. But what I will say is, don't you think Harrison Ford is a little old for you?" She gave him a pout which turned into a smile.

"Well he is now! He's old enough to be my grandfather actually, but in films he's timeless. I love Gene Kelly and Cary Grant as well and they are both dead! But Cary Grant made some of the best comedies ever and I just love to watch Gene Kelly dance. You wanted to learn to fence because of Star Wars, but my ambition from being tiny was to dance so I could dance with him. I was devastated when Grams told me he was dead!" Ryan laughed.

"So did you learn to dance?"

"Yes, I was very lucky because I had a dad who recognized when things meant a lot to me and also had the money to make them happen. So I got my dancing lessons. I don't think he spoiled me though. Some things, like the dancing, he could see the benefit; but most things I had to work for in some way. He never just handed things to me on a silver platter."

"Well that explains it then."

"What?"

"The reason you are so natural and unspoiled. There's none of the mercenary edge we often see when we're working cases involving people from wealthy backgrounds. Mind you, your dad is just the same. He never comes across as having lots of money."

"Well maybe that's 'cause he earned it by writing, instead of inheriting it."

"Yeah, there is that."

"So did you ever learn to fence?"

"No, never got the chance. Still think about it though; maybe one day."

"I could teach you, if you like?" She blushed slightly as she looked up at him. "Dad taught me and I still fence with him. We have all the equipment at the loft." He smiled at her again.

"That's very kind of you, and it's maybe an offer I could take up when I'm fully fit again."

"What happened?"

"It was stupid! I think I fell over my own feet." She gave a burst of laughter.

"What?!"

"Espo and I were chasing down a suspect and I just fell over. I think it's why Beckett is keeping me chained to a desk for so long. She's worried my legs will just give way if she lets me back out in the field." By now Alexis was laughing uncontrollably. "See you're just as bad as those three back at the office, and then there's Gates, as well. She's hiding it behind a stern face, but I think she's laughing at me too."

"Ah, you poor thing! Never mind, maybe she'll let you out soon."

"Stop mocking me, woman! I don't think I'll ever live this one down. It's even worse than the honeymilk."

"Honeymilk?"

"Never mind, that's a story for another day."

"I think I'd like that. Another lunch like this." Now it was Ryan's turn to blush as he realised what he'd just said. But before he could say anything else, the waitress appeared with their apple pies and lent a welcome distraction. He couldn't help laughing at Alexis as she practically inhaled the apple pie, although he had to agree it was excellent.

…

When Alexis' phone rang, with her hairdresser telling her she had missed her appointment, they suddenly realized they had been there nearly two hours. Ryan groaned.

"Beckett is going to kill me!"

"It's OK. I've time now to walk you back and tell them it was my fault. They can't fit me in now for at least another hour."

Ryan paid the bill, and they made their way back into the precinct. They arrived at the bullpen with both of them in fits of laughter as Ryan recounted to her the time they had been in a race to solve separate cases, and he had faced her dad down, and made the bet about wearing a dress for a week, and shaving their heads.

"So who won?" she finally asked, "'cause I don't remember Dad with a shaved head."

"It was declared a draw," he said, and then they turned to the three people waiting for them at the desks.

"Hey Dad. I came to kidnap you for lunch, but as you weren't here, Detective Ryan was kind enough to stand in for you."

"A long lunch!" Esposito observed with a smirk. Ryan blushed again

"The line was terrible. Anyway, bye Alexis. I'd better get back to work."

"Yeah. Don't forget about the fencing. I'll wait to hear from you." He nodded and sat back down at his desk, ignoring the looks from Beckett and Esposito. Alexis told her dad she needed to get to the hairdressers and he walked her out, their voices fading away.

"Fencing?" asked Esposito.

"Just something I've always wanted to learn to do. They have equipment and Alexis offered to show me, that's all."

"OK, if you say so, Bro." Ryan ignored the smirk Esposito was throwing his way, but was thankful when Beckett called his partner over to the murder board to discuss their case. He tried to get back into his discarded file, but his mind kept replaying the lunch, and he was caught in an argument with himself over whether to contact Alexis about the fencing or not.

He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so relaxed and comfortable in a woman's presence. Not since Jenny, he admitted to himself, but would seeing Alexis again be a betrayal of all he had shared with Jenny? And would it put Alexis herself at risk? He had a dangerous job after all.

Until that day he had been convinced that his future path would be alone, but he felt energized by the time spent with Alexis over the past couple of hours. On the other hand despite their similar tastes she was many years his junior, and would surely not want to be tied to a man so much older than herself. Then he reminded himself of the bottom line - Alexis was Castle's daughter, and he couldn't upset someone who had been such a good friend to him.

…

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AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	2. The Talk

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"Risking our hearts is why we are alive. The last thing you want to do is look back on your life and wonder, "If only"."_

Michael Royce - To Love and Die in L.A.

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Chapter Two: in Disputatio - The Talk

September 2016

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In the couple of weeks following the 'lunch', as Castle came to call it to himself, the man kept expecting something to happen. Now that Kate had put the idea of Ryan with Alexis in his head, he found he really did want it to happen.

He knew that eventually his daughter would meet someone and fall in love and he would no longer be the most important man in her life. That had already happened with Pi, and although the debacle had not lasted, it had put a barrier between himself and his daughter for a short time.

One day, though, there would be a relationship that would last, and if it was someone he already cared about, someone he trusted, and someone he KNEW would always protect his daughter and be there for her, then, maybe he wouldn't mind so much. Besides Kevin was already a member of the family so there was no way he would try to take Alexis away from them.

And all that aside, Castle thought it was about time for Kevin to get some good back into his life. He must be lonely. Especially now Esposito was back with Lanie, for good this time they had both stated, and had little time to spend with his partner. He never seemed to see his family any more either. Certainly he never mentioned anything.

But Ryan was driving him nuts! He seemed to be perpetually busy (no change there!) but his late-nighters seemed, if anything, to be even later than before. Sometimes Castle would see him with his phone, finger hovering over the dial, but he never followed through and instead put it away with a resigned sigh. The perpetual smile Ryan had been sporting for the couple of days after the lunch had also slipped away with only an occasional re-appearance as he obviously remembered something from that day.

If anything, Alexis was even worse. Her smile had slipped too, but the way she dived for the phone every time it rang was painful to watch. She always walked away with a defeated air when she had handed the phone over to whomever the call was for; and if the call was for her she spoke to them in a soft, sad defeated voice, so it was obviously NOT the person she wanted to speak to. Castle kept meaning to talk to her, but he didn't know where to start.

…

Things came to a head about two weeks later when Alexis suddenly appeared in the bullpen with a large paper bag. It was her day off and they had thought she was going to the gym in their building and then having a relaxing day, but instead here she was.

"Hey Dad, Kate. You forgot the food you made for your lunch this morning. I thought I'd bring it over for you." She smiled brightly at them both but kept glancing over to Ryan. For his part, after a mumbled "Hello", he'd got his head back down into his paperwork.

Esposito scowled at him and then came over to ask Alexis how she was doing. Her dad said they could have bought some lunch but she explained she had to come into town anyway because she had some errands to run. She made small talk for a little while, but then said she ought to be going.

She wished everyone goodbye, mentioning Kevin by name, but he just raised his hand in a wave and didn't turn round. As she left he swiveled his seat around to watch her go and the longing on his face made Castle want to shake him. Then he got up and went to get coffee, leaving his three friends staring after him.

With an oath under his breath Castle went to follow him. "I've had enough of this!"

"Whoa, Bro! What are you going to say to him?"

"What he needs to hear."

…

"Hey Ryan, you got a minute?"

"Erm, sure but I need to get back to…"

"Just need a little chat about you and Alexis." Ryan choked on his coffee

"There is NO me and Alexis, Castle. I would never…"

"Because if there WERE a you and Alexis, you know, it WOULD be okay." Ryan stared at him in disbelief.

"Are you saying you would be OK with me dating your daughter?"

"I'm saying that of the two of us, my daughter has always been the more mature probably since she was about three! But that aside, she has always considered things properly, before she committed to anything. She's only really had two serious relationships that I know of; and she doesn't tend to hide things from me. Well not for long at least, so I usually know what's happening in her life.

"Her teen boyfriend was Ashley, and she really thought about whether she wanted the relationship before she started dating him, and when he let her down after he went away to school, she thought things out before she ended it.

"The second was Pi (no e)!" Castle shuddered, "who, thank God, was an aberration never to be repeated, and the only time I know of when she leapt before she properly looked. She really seemed to be happy with him, and I was beginning to think she was right and I was wrong, but in the end his beliefs were more important than Alexis and he let her down too, which made her even more determined to consider things properly.

"The last couple of years I know she's dated, but there was nothing serious, nothing she felt warranted a proper consideration. However the last couple of weeks she's been smiling at random moments, though that has been slipping a little the last couple of days, and she's been diving for the phone every time it rings. So unless she met someone else when the two of you got lunch together, I THINK it's you she's waiting to call her."

"I.. I.." Ryan was feeling like a goldfish out of water and he could FEEL the blush spreading all over his face. Castle smiled.

"Ryan, the boyfriends Alexis had were never there for her when she needed them to be. You, on the other hand, I know to be an honorable and caring man who is ALWAYS there when people need him. You are the reason my wife is still breathing and you've saved my neck a couple of times too; ignoring the fact that you once nearly took it off!

"I want my daughter to have someone who will care about her and love her and be there for her. You are exactly the kind of man I want for my daughter. It might not work out and any relationship you start may not go anywhere, but I think you should give yourself, and her, the chance to try. If I have got this wrong and you don't want to see her - well, that's fine - no harm, no foul; but if you're holding back because of me then I think you should realize that I would have no problem with it."

"You don't... My wife died because of me, Castle. I don't want to put anyone else in that position."

"Your wife died because an evil man wanted to get away with murder, and when he couldn't, he blamed you for catching him. He wanted revenge for his own failings and blamed it on the people he saw as responsible. Every cop faces that dilemma every day but they can't all spend their lives alone because they choose to protect and serve."

"I would be putting Alexis at risk, Castle, not some hypothetical person."

"Well you could say that Kate puts me at risk in the same way, the poisoning for instance. But that doesn't make Alexis hate her, she loves her. Hell, Kevin, life is a risk, but you can't just shut yourself away and stop living it. Jenny would never have wanted that for you." Ryan huffed a breath and then said,

"And what about the age difference? Doesn't that bother you? I'm about 15 years older than Alexis."

"And I'm 12 years older than Kate! Stop making excuses! Get on with your life and give her a call. Ask her to go somewhere - anywhere. She might say no but I don't think she will. Do you really think she came all the way over here today just to drop off sandwiches we could easily buy nearby? Call her, Ryan and start living your life again."

Ryan stared at him, and Castle could see emotions chasing over his face; doubt, hope, indecision, longing, fear and then a resigned small smile with a nod. "OK. Enough already. I'll call her."

"You're not just humoring me are you? I haven't bullied you into it?"

Ryan scowled at him. "Get out of here, I've got a call to make."

Castle smiled. "Right! On it."

"And Castle?" The man turned back to him and lifted his eyebrow inquiringly. "Thanks." Castle smiled again and just nodded. Then he left, closing the door softly behind him. Kevin took a deep breath and then dialed her number.

"Hey Alexis. Sorry I haven't called before. Been really busy with work, you know? But your coming in today reminded me. So I just wondered if you'd like to meet up for a drink? Maybe grab some dinner? Well, tonight if you're free. How about….."

…

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AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381 Would be nice to know what you think of the art as well!


	3. The Date

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"I promise you this: if two people believe in something, really believe, anything, even the impossible, is possible."_

Richard Castle - Demons

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Chapter Three: Balanus - The Date

* * *

Ryan arrived early at the bar where they had agreed to meet, and sat nursing a beer and finding himself getting more nervous by the minute. He hadn't dated in years, how could he possibly sustain the interest of a beautiful young woman for a whole night? It was true that they appeared to have many things in common, but lunch had only lasted a couple of hours, and he was sure that with a whole night together the conversation would die. He just hoped that what he had planned for the evening met with her approval.

He glanced at his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time and saw he still had about ten minutes before she was due, but then when he looked up there she was walking through the door early. She took his breath away, looking absolutely gorgeous in a bright red retro dress with a full skirt under a short grey wool jacket. Her hair was loose and fell around her shoulders and was topped with a grey wool beret to match her jacket.

He had asked her to dress semi-casual, but preferably wear a dress for where they were going, and Alexis had been intrigued and demanded to know their destination. But he wouldn't tell her, only that it was a surprise, which he hoped she would enjoy. Well her outfit was perfect, he just hoped she liked where they were going as much as he liked her look.

"Hi," she said, with a soft blush, as she reached his side.

"You look amazing! What would you like to drink, before we go?"

"A Malibu with ice please, no mixer. Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?" He smiled, having found his nerves had fled as soon as he had seen her.

"I told you. It's a surprise, you'll know soon enough." She pouted a little, but accepted her drink and didn't pursue the topic anymore. They sat side by side at the bar, enjoying their drinks and just as at lunch, the conversation between them flowed easily, with no uncomfortable silences.

…

"The Swing 46 Club? Really? Is this a dance club as well as a restaurant?"

"Yeah. They do great food, the music is classic, but the best part is we can dance here. You said you loved to dance, so I thought you might like to indulge in some swing."

Her face was lit up with joy, as she excitedly questioned him. "You dance? Really! You didn't tell me that."

"I do indeed dance, for my sins. My ma adores dancing and she taught us all. I think she wanted to breed a champion, but alas, we all let her down, and went into other careers."

"Why, Detective Ryan. How cruel of you! Still, I bet she's proud of you now, as a police officer."

"Nah, not so much. She worries about it, especially after… Anyway let's get inside and have something to eat. And Lex, I think perhaps we might get some funny looks if you keep calling me Detective Ryan. How about you try out Kevin?"

Her lips twitched and she pursed them as she answered, "Kevin, it is. Although I was gonna go with Ry! I thought it kind of suited you."

"You are mocking me again. I'm gonna have to watch you. But I assure you I am no Pi substitute." Alexis smiled sweetly at him, and raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, Detective, I assure you, you are NOTHING like Pi!" With that she swept through the door into the club. Ryan's face lit up with amusement and then he caught himself and hurriedly followed her, to ensure they got their reserved table.

…

Once they were comfortably settled at their table, nursing drinks and waiting for their food, Alexis returned to the topic they had started outside.

"You have brothers and sisters? I would have loved to have someone to grow up with, although Dad could always play the child, so I kinda did!" Ryan laughed.

"He still can! It's certainly never dull with him around. Don't tell him this, but Javi and I really missed him when Beckett was with the FBI. The bullpen just wasn't the same without him; much quieter! Anyway, brothers and sisters. Yes I'm the youngest of five. My brother, Niall is the eldest; and we bookend three girls, Briana, Cathleen and Niamh. As well as dancing, Ma had us singing and playing fiddle and flute together. Niamh and I used to do a mean version of 'Fairytale of New York' at Christmas. Ma would've had us touring as well, I think, if she could. We were never as good as she thought we were, but we did have a lot of fun."

"Do you visit them often? Where do they all live?"

"The girls all live in Philadelphia, where we grew up. Ma and Dad are there too, still in the same house. Niall is in the Navy and he's based near Washington. They're all married with families and busy lives, so I don't see them very often." Their food arrived at that point and when they were settled into the meal, the conversation moved onto other topics.

The food was excellent, and they followed with a delicious tiramisu which Alexis obviously very much enjoyed. Ryan smiled at the absolute bliss on her face, which he had only seen once before, in the diner, when she had the apple pie.

"You are obviously a dessert girl," he laughed, "I have no idea how you stay so slim."

"Oh I assure you I have to work hard to allow myself to indulge. And I try to limit the occasions, or I would be built like the side of a house in spite of all the working out! And speaking of working out, how about we get to that dancing? Care to show me some of your moves?"

"Oh yeah, let's go." And standing, he held out his hand and led her onto the floor.

…

The next few hours were filled with laughter. They danced, talked and took drink breaks to regain their breath. Neither would win competitions but they were both good enough to make all the right moves and enjoy the dance. Ryan was feeling exhilarated, and happy! For the first time in years he felt truly happy. The talk with Castle had removed many of the conflicts in his heart, and he knew the man was right when he said Jenny would not have wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone. His real problem with this 'date' had been that he would be a let-down for Alexis, but she appeared to be having as good a time as he was.

All too soon, it seemed, the clock was striking midnight and the club announced the final dance of the evening. As befit a 'last dance', the music was slower, more mellow, and Ryan took Alexis in his arms and held her close as they slowly swayed together. As the dance was drawing to a close, she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked up at him.

"Thank you," she said. "I've had the most amazing time."

"You're very welcome", he answered. "I did too." They stood quietly gazing into each other's eyes, and he found himself mesmerized by her luscious red lips. His head was dipping down to them, seemingly of its' own accord, when they heard a clearing throat, and then a voice.

"I'm sorry, Sir, Madam, but we're closing now."

"Oh, yes of course. Sorry." They parted and Ryan collected her jacket from her chair and helped her into it. "Thank you," he said to the waiter as they were ushered out of the door.

"Yes, thank you," added Alexis. "It was a wonderful night."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Madam. I hope we'll see you again."

"Oh, definitely."

…

Outside, on the sidewalk, they stood close together, again gazing at each other. Ryan gave a sigh.

"I'd better take you home. Do you want to walk, or grab a cab?"

"I'd rather walk," she answered. "But I don't want to go home. I want to stay with you. And you want that too, I can tell. Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not wrong, but I don't want to take advantage of you."

"You wouldn't be. I'm a grown woman, who knows her own mind. You may be older than me, but we've already established that I prefer older men. Didn't have too much luck with ones my own age."

"Hey, I'm not that old!"

"No, actually, you're perfect," she said softly and reached up to capture his lips in a soft tentative kiss. It was featherlight, barely more than a brush really, but it created a slow burn within him, and reignited a fire he'd thought banished from his life for eternity. He gazed into her eyes for a moment and then leant down and captured her lips in return with a longer kiss, which soon deepened even further. His lips moved over hers, and his tongue softly swept her lips, begging entry. As soon as her mouth opened to him, he swept in, exploring every crevice and tangling his tongue with hers.

The honk of a cab, and a voice shouting "Hey, get a room!" pulled them apart, and they stood catching their breath and still staring at each other. Ryan closed his eyes briefly and then gave another sigh.

"Come on." He pulled her close into his side and set off walking up the road.

"Where are we going?"

"My apartment…"

"I thought it was that way?"

"I moved. I couldn't…. it was too big for one person. I hope you realise your Dad will never forgive me for this."

"Well, from what you said, he wanted us to see each other."

"I don't think he meant a full viewing on the first date!" She laughed at him.

"He'll get over it. He loves us both so he will forgive us." Her tone became serious. "And it IS US here Kevin. We both want this. I'll make sure he knows you didn't seduce me." Her voice lightened again readmitting laughter into the tone, "and anyway technically, it's the second date!" He smiled back at her.

"Thank you for your protection, my Lady. I'm gonna need it!"

"Anytime. Now take me to your home, Sir, and show me your etchings." He laughed out loud at her now.

"Well that's one way of putting it!"

…

FYI: If you would like to see the club they visited go here: swing46 _period _com/?page_id=775 And if you are in New York, you lucky reader, you can actually go!

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	4. The Fire

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"Oh, don't try to deny it. There's a glow. I know that glow."_

Lanie Parish Cloudy with a chance of murder

* * *

Chapter Four: Ignis - The Fire

* * *

The walk to his apartment took a lot longer time than it should have because they kept stopping to kiss. Soft gentle kisses because they didn't want to get carried away again while they were still out in public, but now that they had kissed, it was like a dam had bust, and they had to keep touching and tasting and keeping their lips in close contact to stop the flow.

Ryan felt like he was on fire! He was desperate to get to his home, to his bed, and yet he couldn't stop pausing and kissing her again. The taste of Alexis enchanted him; it was like the sweetest of nectar, mixed with a subtle undertone of coconut from the Malibu she had been drinking, but there was another taste as well which he couldn't define, something uniquely Alexis. Whatever it was he knew he was fast becoming addicted to it.

Finally they were there, and he ushered her into his home. She gazed around at the small, neat living room, but before she could speak, he had spun her around so that her back was to the door and proceeded to show her what a kiss should be, without the restraint of being in a public place. From Alexis he received no resistance, just a compliance which again took his breath away, as she gave him back as good as he gave her.

He couldn't get enough of her, and the cute dress, much as it had delighted him, now just had to go, as it restricted his access to her breasts, and he really needed to see if if they tasted as wonderful as her mouth. She moaned as he cupped them in his hands and softly squeezed, before reaching behind her to unzip the dress and allow it to slip from her body and pool at her feet. If he'd been having trouble breathing before, he now found that ability had left him completely as he gazed in awe at the beauty before him.

Alexis was wearing a dark red satin bra and shorts set, decorated with black lace and concealing a matching garter belt holding up her silk stockings. He ran his fingers over the soft skin between stockings and belt, causing the woman before him to shiver, and he groaned deep in his throat at the feel and her reaction.

"You are definitely trying to kill me here!"

Alexis reached forward and removed his tie, hurriedly throwing it onto the floor and then unbuttoning his shirt. Now it was his turn to shiver as he felt her warm hands exploring his chest and rolling his nipples between fingers and thumbs.

"Not fair! You're overdressed!" Her voice was as husky as his. She moved her hands up to slide his shirt from his shoulders, but he stilled the movement and brought her hands back down to his belt. As she unfastened it and lowered his zipper, her hand brushed against his erection, which by now was desperate to be removed from its confinement. Feeling him jerk against her, she grinned at him, wickedly.

"Why, Sir, I do believe you are happy to see me!"

"You have NO idea!," he replied. She knelt before him, pulling his trousers down and off his legs. He'd already toed off his shoes, so she had no problem doing so. She reached to pull off his briefs as well, but he resisted the move, and instead pulled her to her feet.

"I don't want to let you down here Lex, but I'm not sure how long this will last. It's been a long time, and I want you; God how I want you! But I'm sorry if…"

She silenced him with a bruising kiss, and he lifted her from the floor with his hands beneath her bottom, and groaned again as he felt the soft pliant flesh within his hands. Instinctively she wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her easily to his bed.

…

A little later they lay together tangled around each other. After their joining they had drifted into a doze, but Kevin had felt her moving restlessly beneath him and had realized his weight was becoming too much, so he had rolled off her and then pulled her in close to his side, with her head on his bare chest.

He couldn't work out how this had all happened so fast, but could no longer envisage a life without Alexis in it. He had never before felt his emotions reacting so quickly to anyone, not even Jenny. They had been on one, well maybe two dates; and they had made love once, if you could call that urgent joining making love! And yet he just knew that if he lost her he would be devastated.

He was going to make this work, whatever it took, because he needed her so much. But he knew there were things they would need to work through before everything could be perfect for them. For now he needed her to know that it would not always be so frantic; that he wanted to make slow and passionate love to her, as often as she would let him. To give her as much pleasure and joy as she had already given him.

"I'm sorry it was so fast. I wanted it to be beautiful for you."

"It was beautiful. It will always be beautiful when it's you and me, whatever the pace."

"Well I still want to make it good for you, to make you feel really special. We'll take it slow next time, Lex, I promise, with lots of foreplay so I can show you exactly how amazing you make me feel."

"You've already shown me, Kevin. Just the way you look at me shows me." She snuggled into him making him feel so contented with her there in his arms. But still he needed to know for sure that she was feeling as contented as he.

"I keep worrying we are moving too fast for you. You must set the pace, because I want you to be comfortable. I don't want to mess this up, 'cause I really, really want a relationship with you."

"Kev. it's OK. Everything's OK. I want this as much as you do."

"It's just… it seems like a dream, you know? I feel like I've had you in my life for so long, but it's only two weeks ago that I went to lunch with you for the first time."

"I know… It's a dream come true for me." He lifted her chin so that he could gaze into her face, with an inquiring look.

"What do you mean?" She blushed, and he found it adorable that after the intimate joining they had just experienced, she could still blush for him.

"It's... I mean… You know when I interned for Dr. Parish, well… I had the biggest crush on you! But you weren't free, and I was too young, so I just filed it away and moved on with my life. But I don't think I ever really forgot those feelings, and when we went to lunch they all started flooding back, and I knew, I just knew that I wanted you… wanted to be with you. The whole deal, y'know?" He stared at her in awe.

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything, just kiss me." So he did. A soft gentle kiss, which started to morph into more, until he felt her hand catch on his shirt and start to push it from his shoulders. He tried to distract her, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss even more, but she pushed him away and gazed up at him in bewilderment.

"Kev, what's wrong? Why won't you take off your shirt?"

And there it was. The one thing with the potential to destroy, before they had even properly started!

…

FYI: There will shortly be a slightly longer and more mature version of this chapter on AO3 under the penname Lezzles

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 658247023811


	5. The Fear

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"I guess the question is... do you want it badly enough to get over being hurt?"_

Richard Castle: Headhunters

* * *

Chapter Five: Timorem - The Fear

* * *

"Please Kev, talk to me." The way he was looking at her was frightening Alexis. He looked scared, in fact terrified.

"I can't lose you, not now. Not now that I know what it's like to be with you. But if I let you see this it will scare you away. It's... it's terrible and ugly. I want to keep this beautiful for you... for us. What they did… it looks horrific."

"What did they do to you?" He looked away from her and closed his eyes. When he spoke, it was so soft, she almost didn't hear.

"It was a whip - they used a whip." He looked up at her and saw the distress on her face. "See what I mean? Even just talking about it makes you want to run."

"I don't want to run. I want to comfort and protect you. But I need to see, you must see that. I need you to be with me completely. Not hiding part of yourself away. Take off your shirt and let me see, Kev, please."

"I can't…"

"Trust me Kevin, do you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then let me see." He gazed at her, shaking his head and looking so distressed it broke her heart. But then he closed his eyes and gave a sigh. Turning his back to her, he slid the shirt from his shoulders, exposing the scarring to her view. His whole back was criss-crossed with deep, grooved lines. One upon the other. She couldn't imagine the pain he must have felt and wondered how he could possibly have survived.

His strength amazed her and yet she couldn't stop the gasp that came, and she saw him visibly tense, and try to grab his shirt to pull it back on. Feeling her hands on his, he stopped reaching for it, but his whole body remained rigid and tense.

She leant forward and placed featherlike kisses to each scar, tenderly moving her lips over his whole back. As Kevin felt her lips softly moving behind him, something deep within him uncoiled and broke apart. He started to shake and felt tears welling from his eyes. He suddenly realized that he hadn't conquered his fear of the whip when he saved his partner. It was just that the fear of losing Javi was a greater fear, allowing him to temporarily overcome it. But now, Alexis' lips were gently dissipating that coiled terror in a way that had not been achieved by facing it down. It wasn't facing the whip itself which had distressed him, but rather what it had done to him, to his body. And he hadn't bothered facing that before, because he didn't need to while abstaining from female contact.

As Alexis felt the shaking start to dissipate, she softly spoke between kisses.

"Let it go, my love, let it all go. You need to know this isn't ugly, it's beautiful. It's a symbol of the fact that despite everything you fought and survived."

"I didn't want to at the time..." His voice was shaky and broken. "They took…"

"They took your wife and your child… I know my love. And I can never replace them. But I don't want to even try to replace Jenny, Kev. I want my own place in your heart, if you'll let me have one."

"You're already there." And as he said it, he knew it was true.

He turned now to face her, with his tears nearly all dried away. She softly smiled and ran her fingers down his cheek, capturing the last few drops. As her fingers reached his mouth, he captured them between his lips, kissing them gently.

"Come here." He lay back and pulled her down to bring her on top of himself, reversing their positions from before. "You can never know the gift you have just given me. You've released a burden I didn't even realize I was carrying. I want to make love to you now, as I should have done before, without the urgency I think we were both feeling." She smiled at him again, but this time wrinkling her nose as she did. While her previous smile had been soft and tender, this one was much more of a smirk, containing amusement and an evil glint.

"Oh yeah!" she said in a sultry tone. "I was definitely eager for you."

It was good to allow laughter back in between them, and he smirked back at her, suddenly feeling a whole lot lighter. "Well, this time you need to learn some patience, because I intend to take my time." And he proceeded to do precisely that.

…

Afterwards they slept, curled around each other under the comforter Kevin had pulled up over their cooling bodies. At some point, though Alexis could not be sure of exactly when, he had released her belt and pushed it and her stockings from her body. So now they lay with their limbs entangled, skin to skin, with no barrier of any kind between them. And she was content.

As for Kevin, he felt free. During this night Alexis had broken the final links chaining him to a painful past. He could remember Jenny with joy now, with no overtones of the agony of losing her and being tortured. As Beckett had told him he would, he had adapted to his pain, but now Alexis had lifted him from it completely. She had brought meaning and purpose back into his life beyond the singular focus of his work. His _raison d'etre_ was no longer just the job. Now there was more.

…

FYI: There will shortly be a slightly longer and more mature version of this chapter on AO3 under the penname Lezzles

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 658247023811


	6. The Morning

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

WARNING: There are spoilers in this chapter for S2E17-Tick, Tick, Tick… / S3E13-Knockdown / S5E15-Target / S5E16-Hunt

* * *

"_It's Alexis, he's gotta be wrecked. Hell, I'm wrecked."_

Kevin Ryan - Target

* * *

Chapter Six: Mane : The Morning

* * *

Alexis woke alone in his bed. She was still toasty warm and the space beside her was also warm, so she knew he hadn't been long gone. She took the time alone to think about the previous night.

She'd known Kevin had gone through a painful time, and had realized he had to have been injured because of her dad mentioning being at the hospital. But at the time she had been living with Pi, and she hadn't paid proper attention. Because it was Ryan, she had worried a little, but she hadn't really thought about bad it could be, especially as her dad had said he was recovering. The fact he had lost Jenny hadn't even properly registered because things were starting to go wrong with Pi and that had taken all her time and concentration. But now knowing what she did, she felt ashamed that at the time she had been such a poor friend to him. She knew she would spend the rest of her life making up for that omission if he would let her.

For now though, she was starting to wonder where her man had got to. Stretching like a cat, she loosened the muscles she had rather overused the night before, and then padded to the door to go in search of him.

As the apartment was small, she didn't have to go far before she spotted him. As soon as she crossed the threshold from bedroom to living room, he was to be seen in the small galley kitchen, with his back to her. She stood for a moment to take in the view. He had pulled on a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants, but nothing else which meant his back was exposed to her view. Although the scarring looked even worse in the bright morning light, causing her heart to ache for him, she was pleased to see that he no longer seemed to need to hide it from her.

"Good morning," she said huskily, as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Gently she kissed his back, and then raised herself on tiptoes so she could look over his shoulder and see what he was making.

"Good morning to you," he responded. Turning his head, he dropped a light kiss to her cheek with a smile.

"Pancakes! You made me pancakes! Are those for last night?"

"Alexis! You can't just assume pancakes are always a thank you for sex."

"Well, I hope not! Or I need to be very worried about my dad. He always made me pancakes, especially if I was sad or hurting!"

"I didn't make them to cheer you up, either. I just made them because I had heard you liked them, especially chocolate ones!"

"How did you know about the smiley faces?"

He smirked. "Ah, well. It might just have been mentioned once or twice, whenever you were upset or feeling down. I keep my ears open, y'know, even in the precinct. You never know what bit of useless… er useful information you might just discover."

She laughed. "Are you calling me useless?"

"Never! I would never do that! Anyway, it's true that your dad sees pancakes purely as comfort food. The first time he made Beckett pancakes was at her apartment when he stayed over because she was getting threatened. Y'know the apartment that blew up, just a little while later? Neither Javi nor I believed that nothing had happened between them when we saw that he had made her pancakes! We wound them up about it, especially your dad!" His face was filled with laughter as he told her the story.

"You two do like to wind him up, don't you? He's told me stories - but you keep him safe, as well. I don't worry too much because I know all three of you look after him."

"Well, he's no light-weight himself, y'know. He's done his fair share of watching out for us. In fact, he was the one who took out Lockwood, with his bare hands, no less."

"Lockwood?"

"Ah. Sorry. Forget I said that."

"Kev, I know your job can be dangerous, even for my dad. But please don't hide things from me. I thought I showed you last night. I can handle it."

He hesitated and pursed his lips, staring at her for a moment. "OK, Lex. There might be things I CAN'T tell you, for confidential reasons, but I promise not to hide things away for the sake of it."

"I can live with that. So can you tell me? Who was Lockwood?"

"He was one of the men sent to stop Beckett from looking into her mom's murder. He got the drop on Javi and me, and we had a fairly short, but also fairly unpleasant visit with him. No permanent damage. In fact, I think it was far worse for Javi than for me. He's a protector and they made him watch while they dunked my head under water in a trough. His not being able to do anything was a far worse torture than what they were doing to me. Trouble was it could have gotten a whole lot worse. They were getting no information, so they changed tactics and were going to shoot out my knee."

"Kevin! My God!"

"It was OK. Beckett and your dad got there in time and stopped them. As I said he's no light-weight. He may not be a trained cop, but I feel a whole lot safer when he has my back, than I do with a lot of others who are trained. Your dad really cares; and that means a lot."

"As do you, Kev," she said softly. "You care too. I'm glad that's how you feel about him because I know he really cares for you, too. And respects you."

"I know; he made that clear to me. After they found me, when I was drifting in and out of consciousness, there was always someone there, talking to me. Your dad was one of them, and I always knew right away when it was him, because he was reading a book to me. I have flashes of sound in my head, and much of what was said was garbled and made no sense, but his voice was soothing and the book captured me and the words were clear. I had to ask him afterwards what it was, so that I could read it and fill in all the gaps."

"What was it? What was he reading?"

"James Bond - _Casino Royale_. I'd read Bond, but never that one." She gasped and bit her lip. "Lex?"

"You have no idea how much you mean to my dad."

"What d'you mean? I don't understand."

She stared at him for a moment. Then pursing her lips and nodding her head, she spoke again.

"OK. If I expect you to always talk to me, then I need to do the same for you. But you can't tell this to anyone. Not even Esposito. We weren't supposed to tell anyone, although I know Dad told Grams, and I think probably Kate, as well."

"It sounds serious."

"Yeah, it was. It's about Paris."

"Paris? D'you mean when you were kidnapped?"

"Yeah. But let's have those pancakes before they're too cold to eat, and some coffee too. I'll tell you the story while we eat."

"OK, Sounds like a plan." They settled opposite each other at his small counter, and Alexis started to tell him about Paris.

"It was really scary, especially when I first got out and realized we weren't in New York anymore. But when they took Sara away and then put me in this big cage it got downright terrifying. There were a lot of men, and they were all loaded up with guns, but none of them would talk to me. They just ignored me, and I didn't know what they wanted, and whether Sara was dead or alive. It was better after they brought Dad in, but still frightening, and now I was scared for him as well. But he kept telling me everything would be OK, and it was."

"How on earth did he get you out of there?"

"Well it wasn't just him, it was the man he working with. What did they tell you had happened?"

"Well, they didn't. Not really. I was worried sick, we all were; about you and then also about your dad looking for you, on his own we thought. It was so frustrating because they always were one step ahead of us. And then Castle brought you home, and we were just all so relieved, we just let it go. You were home, safe. That's what mattered, not why."

She nodded. "Well, despite the official story, I was the real target."

"Yeah. We knew that. We found photos of you on the kidnappers' computer."

"The man who took me was using me to bring his enemy out. The man who had killed his wife a few years before. The kidnapper and his wife were Russian spies, and their enemy was an American one. It was a real old-fashioned spy story, worthy of James Bond."

"But why you? How could you be leverage to bring this man out?"

"Because the American agent was… is… my grandfather - Dad's dad."

Kevin stared at her in amazement.

"My God. So your father and grandfather saved you?"

"Yeah. That's about the gist of it. Because of his job my grandfather could never be with us. But he watched over Dad and me our whole lives. Grams too. And occasionally he risked an encounter with his son. The first time was when Dad was about ten. They chatted in the public library, where Dad was waiting for Grams, and the 'stranger' recommended he read _Casino Royale. _That book is what started Dad writing. It's very important to him, especially after Paris. So if he was reading it to you, it just shows how much he cares about you."

"The feelings mutual, Lex. But I kind of had the idea he liked me 'cause the book aside, he's trusted me with his most precious possession."

She was puzzled for a moment, but then her face cleared and she smiled. "Me?"

"No, Lex, his coffee mug! Of course you!"

She smiled mischievously "So you think I'm precious, do you? To my dad at least. But how about to you?"

He smirked back at her. "Are you fishing for compliments, Miss Castle?"

"Maybe. Is it working?" He looked at her for a moment in consideration, and then made her jump when he suddenly moved to her side of the counter, and, pushing their dishes out of the way, spun her around and lifted her to perch on it. Then he crowded between her legs, pulled her impossibly close to him, and dropped a series of light kisses all over her face. "You are..." he spoke between kisses, "the most beautiful, and amazing, and breath-taking, and precious thing in my world."

Her face was coated in smiles, and she bit her lip and said to him, "And do you know what you do to me? When I'm with you I feel safe and contented and just plain happy. You make me feel happier than I can ever remember feeling before." And then she covered his lips with a bruising and passionate kiss. Their mouths moved in unison, and they were practically eating each other. Their hands started to roam over each other's bodies, when she suddenly pulled away as she realized something. He groaned at the loss of contact, but she gave him a stern look.

"Don't you have to get to work?" He smirked at her again and raised his eyebrows.

"Day off! I think what I need to do is help you work off those fattening chocolate pancakes. Any ideas about the type of workout you fancy?" She smiled and wrinkled her nose, her face displaying an expression which never failed to delight him.

"Well, I have been told that recent research has shown," her tone was deadly serious as if she was deliberating a deep scientific thought, "that sex is probably the best possible workout, if you want to lose weight."

"Is that right?" She vigorously nodded. "Well how about this, you clear the kitchen, and I'll throw on some clothes and pop down to the drug store."

"What for?"

"Need more condoms."

"Kevin! There was a whole box!"

"Yeah, I know. And I was really relieved last night that they were there. But Javi bought them for me for a house-warming gift, and they've been there for years, so I'd rather get some new ones to be on the safe side." Her laughter rang out, warming his heart.

"Esposito bought them for you?" she gasped between laughs.

"Again with the mocking. Yes, he did." Kevin's tone turned serious. "I think he was trying to motivate me. He worried about me being alone. But I wasn't interested in not being alone. Not then."

She sobered and rubbed her hand soothingly on his bare shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well. We've worked through a lot of issues last night and this morning, but Lex, you need to understand sometimes, even now, I feel an overwhelming panic and terror, and this will probably spill over into me being overprotective and paranoid at times, especially if you get pregnant."

"Why Detective Ryan, you ARE looking into the future."

"For a very long time I didn't care about the future. I felt I had nothing to ever look forward to again. But with you I am looking forward, Lex. So long as you are in it I think it will be a future worth having."

…

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	7. The Castle Family

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

AN: Sorry for the delay folks - RL hit with inspections and deadlines. Hopefully back on track now and the next part should be up Monday or Tuesday.

* * *

_"Because the heart wants what the heart wants."_

Richard Castle - Food to Die For

* * *

Chapter Seven: Familiae Castelli - The CastleFamily

* * *

That same morning, Kate Beckett also awoke alone, in the bed she now shared with Richard Castle. Unlike Alexis, though, she was cold indicating HER man had left some time before. The night before she and Castle had worked late with Esposito, as they picked up a new lead on a cold case they had been working on over the past couple of months. Ryan had already left and they had been reluctant to call him back, knowing where he was going, so they had just worked as a threesome. The lead had been successful and they had finally been able to put the case to bed; BUT they had finished very late and had just dropped to their bed too worn out to do anything besides sleep.

She had been looking forward to a little 'together ness' this morning, as, like the rest of her team, she had the day off. Now, though, Castle had disappeared and scuppered the idea. Well, she would just have to find him and persuade him back to bed. Maybe he was writing. As soon as she opened the door it became apparent where he was as loud crashing noises came from the direction of the kitchen. Going through she saw Castle, standing with his back to her in his kitchen apparently cooking, but making a heck of a noise doing it!

"What are you doing?" She asked. He jumped and then turned to face her.

"I'm preparing batter for pancakes. I need some comfort food. I have been betrayed by a man I trusted. Alexis is STILL not home. I woke up and went to check on her, 'cause I was too tired last night. But her bed's not been slept in. He's seduced her and kept her out ALL NIGHT."

"Castle; this is Ryan you're talking about - he's so honest and honorable he doesn't even exaggerate on his mileage claims! Come on; he asked Jenny's parents if he could marry her, before he even asked Jenny herself!"

"Yeah, but what about before? He and Jenny had that 'not exclusive' deal going on." Kate rolled her eyes.

"Whatever! It's none of our business. He's not been near a woman since Jenny died. You said yourself that Alexis would always be safe with him."

"I know." He sounded crestfallen, but then suddenly went on the attack again. "But I really thought an honorable man like I thought he was, would have brought her home after her first date."

"He still might."

"Please! It's morning! A little late to bring her home, don't ya think?"

"Castle! She's twenty-three years old. Remember the old adage, it takes two to tango, and Alexis has LIVED with someone before now. I'm sure she knows very well how to tango!"

"But…" She held up her hand and he stopped.

"AND, as we don't know where the date was last night, they might have been bonking like bunnies, and he still could have brought her home before midnight!" Castle stared at her, totally appalled.

"Kate! I do not want that picture of my daughter and Ryan in my head! She rolled her eyes again, smiling and shaking her head.

"She's not your little girl anymore, Castle, however much you want her to be. I thought we got past this with Pi. Whatever they did last night, it wouldn't have been one-sided. I trust them both, and so should you. Neither would consciously hurt the other."

"I know that, it's just hard, y'know. To admit she's a grown woman." He sounded resigned now, and her voice softened as she replied to him again.

"Rick, you wanted this. Ryan wouldn't have even asked her out if it wasn't for you."

"I just want her to be happy; and him too."

She gave him a soft smile. "Then they are both exactly where they need to be for that to happen."

"Yeah. You're right."

"I am always right!"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. Remem…" his voice trailed away as he noticed her smirk. "Evil… pure evil," he added quietly. Her smile widened and she pursed her lips, moving nearer to him and linking her arms behind his neck.

"Why don't we forget about Ryan and Alexis enjoying his day off…" Her smile turned sultry. " And start to plan how we can enjoy ours?" She'd brought a sly smile to his face as well now, and he leant his head down and kissed her. A kiss which very quickly escalated, making him start backing her with the intention of returning to their bed, when the slamming door and a calling voice halted them in their tracks.

"Good morning, Darlings. I've had a wonderful night!" Castle groaned and dropped his head to Kate's shoulder, while Kate thumped his shoulder and broke from his arms, turning to face the other woman with a smile.

"Good morning, Martha. We were just thinking about going to get a bit more sleep as I have the day off."

Martha smirked. "Sleep, yes extra sleep is very good for you. I'd forgotten you weren't working today. Oh well, you do that and I'll tell you my news later. For now, I'll pop upstairs and tell Alexis."

"You can't," said Castle; and to Kate's irritation the aggrieved tone was back in his voice. "She's not come home yet."

"Oh, good! I'm glad it's gone well. I know it was important to her. That HE is important to her."

Castle blinked at his mother. "You are glad your granddaughter stayed out all night?"

"Please, Darling. I've been out all night. You were frequently out all night before Kate moved in here. So why not Alexis? We're all adults!"

"That's what I've been telling him," interjected Kate. "But he's got his Papa Bear head on and is determined to be a grouch!"

"And **I** have been saying it's only the first date!"

Martha rolled her eyes. "Time is not important when you're in love. Besides, Alexis has known Kevin Ryan for years, and cared about him for nearly as long."

"WHAT! Alexis was only fifteen years old when she first met Ryan."

"Fifteen, sixteen. Plenty old enough to have a crush. Of course, he never knew, and even if he had would never have done anything about it. That young man is nothing if not honorable." Kate was nodding, but Castle ignored her and continued staring at his mother.

"How do you even know these things? I thought I was her 'go to guy', especially then."

"Well, you were, Darling, of course! And still are; just not usually about affairs of the heart. Some things you just need to speak to another woman about. And as her mother is NEVER around when Alexis needs her, that woman was always me!"

"I know she's always been mature, but I thought she was an open book to me. The past few years, though, I keep finding these hidden depths I never knew about." Martha laughed, as Kate spoke.

"Well, she's your daughter after all. You definitely have hidden depths!" Although on the surface Kate's voice was quite serious, there were hidden hints of amusement in her tone. Martha smirked and winked at her. Castle switched his gaze from one woman to the other and then raised his hands in defeat.

"Women! I'll never fully understand them."

Martha smiled sweetly. "You're not meant to, Darling."

"No man is," added Kate. "Or does! They call us the 'weaker sex' after all."

"Now that! I would never call you that! I've seen you take down suspects. However, we're getting off track. Neither of you seem concerned about Alexis, so I'll just bow down to your better judgment. I think it's the only way to get you off my back! Mother, you had news? Let's get some breakfast; and coffee. I definitely need coffee!"

…

Meanwhile, Alexis was having more luck than Kate, as she lay side by side with Kevin in his bed, both of them catching their breath after some rather strenuous exercise. He leant up on his elbow so he could look into her face, and used his free hand to gently stroke down her cheek. Alexis' face and chest were flushed, her lips were swollen from his kisses and her glorious hair lay splayed around her head on the pillow like a fiery halo. She had never looked more beautiful to him.

"You are amazing," he said with a tender smile. "I love you."

She returned his smile with a soft one of her own. "I love you back. Can we stay here forever?"

"Tempting. But I think we may be drawn away from the bed by the need for food; or in your case, the need for dessert."

She swatted his arm, laughing, and then said, "I think I've got the best dessert right here."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. But maybe another taste would be in order. Just to make sure." She smirked and raised her own eyebrows in return.

"Again! Lex, you are insatiable."

"For you… Yes I am." He leant down and took her lips again, but they were interrupted by the ringing of her phone. Kevin looked over to the phone in disbelief.

"Aqua? Barbie Girl? Lex you CANNOT like this!"

"No. I don't. But it is THE perfect ringtone for my mother."

He laughed at her. "Well hurry up and answer her so we can get back to what we were doing." She smirked again and then answered the call.

"Mom… What? ... What's wrong? … I can't just drop ev… I have a job interview tomorrow… OK, fine! I'll fly out the day after tomorrow. Now I have to go… I'm a little busy and haven't time to chat… What!? It's none of your business… OK. I'll see you then. Bye." She dropped the phone and flopped her head back onto the pillow with a sigh.

"You're going to L.A.? What's wrong with your mom?"

"I don't know, she won't tell me. But she did tell me she needs surgery, and needs me there for afterwards while she recovers."

"Surgery?"

"She says it's not serious, and it's not urgent. If it was she would have insisted I go today. She'll be fine. She's an actress, she likes to dramatize, so if it WAS something serious she would have needed me as soon as AND she would have been at death's door."

"But you won't know how long you'll be away until you get there?" Despite trying to be upbeat for her, he couldn't help sounding despondent.

"I don't want to be away from you, so I'll find out and be as short a time as possible. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on. BUT I'm not going until the day after next, so let's get back to what we were doing and make the most of the time we have before I go. Give me something to hold onto 'til I get back."

"I think that can be arranged," said Kevin. "I reckon we were about here…" and he leant down and kissed her lips. A kiss which quickly escalated, until they were both lost in passion once more.

…

Martha had filled them in on her night, while Kate had taken over in the kitchen and created one of her amazing breakfasts to make up to her lover for his disappointment over being interrupted. Martha had been contacted by an old boyfriend, who worked as a Producer/Director. He was putting on a new play and he wanted her to take the lead.

"It's a real character part," she told them. "Not very glamorous, but definitely something to get my teeth into. We were talking all night about the play, doing a reading; and then we kind of rekindled our old feelings and got a little amorous! Anyway I thought you might like to meet him. How about we get some take-away here in the loft and all have dinner together, tonight.? We can get Alexis and Ryan here as well, and you can see for yourself that she is perfectly fine. I'll go call him now and arrange it and then I'll call Alexis." She swept away, leaving Castle to drop his head to the counter and groan.

"So much for a quiet day to ourselves, with just you and me," he said to Kate.

"Babe, we've still got the day. Martha isn't arranging anything until tonight."

"So Alexis will have been with him for over twenty-four hours." His belligerent tone was back and Kate was losing patience with him.

"Castle! Get over it." He stared at her and then grimaced.

"It's just… apparently everyone in my family is having sex except for us." She bit her lip, holding in a laugh.

"You know how tired we were last night. But we can go and make up for it now. Maybe a nice soak in the tub together first."

He looked at her contemplatively, and then at last smiled.

"Sold! Let's g…" But again they were interrupted; this time by his ringing phone. With an oath he picked it up and groaned again. "Meredith! What the hell does she want?"

"Well, find out. But hurry up. I'll go run the tub."

…

A little while later he joined her in the warm tub where she was soaking off the aches from yesterday.

"Well."

"There's something wrong with that woman. Most of the time she forgets she even has a daughter, and then she goes all motherly and concerned, but it comes across as totally insincere. Apparently she called Alexis to ask her to go the L.A. because Meredith NEEDS her, but she won't tell me what for. Anyway Alexis has agreed, but Meredith is concerned because she sounded reluctant AND she said the tone in Alexis voice told her mother that she was with someone, so she wanted to know who."

"What did you tell her?"

"That Alexis was seeing an exceptional and caring man; and that it was a little late to be suddenly concerned about her boyfriends after she's actually lived with one." Kate was having a great deal of difficulty holding in her laughter as a response to that statement, after the way Castle had been reacting earlier, but even so he noticed the laughter in her face.

"What?"

"Ah there's the Papa Bear again, but this time it's his male cub that's being threatened!" He glared at her, and then his lip began to twitch and he burst out laughing.

"I've been over the top. Haven't I?"

"Just a little."

"Well there's nothing like an outside threat to get things into perspective. Let's enjoy our day, and I promise not to kill Ryan tonight!"

"Sounds like plan! Now kiss me."

So he did.

…

Kevin returned to his bed - which he was fast coming to call their bed in his head - with coffee and a snack for them both, to find Alexis just hanging up on her phone.

"That was Grams," she told him. "She wants us to go to dinner tonight at the loft. Apparently she has a new/old beau she wants us to meet; and Dad is being all protective about me, so she wants him to see I am fine."

Kevin groaned. "I told you he was going to kill me!"

"It'll be fine. I told you, it's not just me, he really cares about you too."

"You promised to protect me from him!"

"Aww! Is the big bad detective afraid of what a little writer can do to him?"

"He's not little. He's considerably bigger than me. And I already told you he's no light weight. If he can take out a trained hitman with his bare hands I wouldn't like to contemplate what he can do to me! You are going to need to be my 'lady in shining armor'. No, that doesn't sound right at all."

"It can be. I can be like Eowyn in _Lord of the Rings. _A gentle lady with a heart of a warrior and armor to match." She smirked at him and he laughed.

"My heroine!" He leant down and kissed her, but she pulled away as her tummy rumbled.

"Well this heroine needs to eat! Especially if I am going to be slaying dragons tonight."

…

The evening went much better than Ryan imagined it would. Castle seemed to be back to the mode he was in when they talked at the precinct, and was welcoming to him, especially after seeing the way Ryan looked at his daughter, and the way he always made sure she was comfortable and looked after.

The atmosphere was relaxed, and the dinner delicious. Castle had vetoed his mother's suggestion of take-away and cooked an Italian meal for them all. Having never tasted his cooking before, Ryan was surprised at how good the meal was.

Joel Cramer, Martha's new/old boyfriend was an entertaining man and had them all in fits of laughter as he told backstage stories from productions he had been involved with; many of them also featuring Martha.

They also discussed Meredith's sudden need to have Alexis in L.A. but couldn't put a finger on why; although Castle agreed with his daughter's estimation that if it was something serious Meredith would have made a much bigger song and dance about it.

…

As the evening was drawing to a close, Ryan stood looking at the city through the picture windows and trying to figure out how he could take Alexis back home with him, without destroying the status quo they had forged this evening between the writer and himself. He felt, rather than saw, someone come up beside him and before he could turn, heard Castle's voice.

"I told you she wouldn't say no."

"You did. Thank you. I'm sorry if you think we've rushed this, but it just feels right. To us both"

"It's fine. I was annoyed this morning when she wasn't home, but I've realized that was more annoyance at having to accept she's grown up, than at you. I will say this though, hurt her and I'll hurt you."

Ryan turned to face him with a serious expression. "Castle, if I ever hurt her you won't need to hurt me because I will already have done it to myself. It might sound trite and unbelievable in view of the fact that we only went for our first proper date yesterday, but I love her. So much. I never thought I'd be able to love again, but she swept that belief completely away as soon as she dragged me off to lunch."

Castle nodded "Fair enough. So is she going home with you again tonight?"

"I want her to. I'm gonna miss her while she's in L.A."

"You and me both. I wish I knew what Meredith wanted this time."

"Kevin, are you OK? Need some dragons slaying?" The two men turned to Alexis who now stood behind them with a smirk on her face.

"Nah, my lady. I think I'm safe." Castle looked between them in confusion. "Actually I was thinking it's about time we headed out. School day tomorrow for me." She smiled at him and her eyes shone.

"OK. Night Dad. Thank you for the meal, it was delicious."

"Yes it was," added Ryan. "Superb, in fact. I never thought you were such a good cook."

"I have many hidden talents under this ruggedly handsome exterior."

Ryan laughed. "You do at that. Goodnight."

They got their coats and then said their goodnights to Kate. Martha and Joel had already left.

Castle ushered them out with a final wave and a kiss for his daughter, and then turned to face his lover.

"Well, that went well."

"You seem a lot happier about them being together after this evening."

"Yes, Mother was right about time not mattering. They are already having cryptic conversations which make no sense whatsoever to an outsider. Alexis didn't even question going with him when he said they should be off. I think she's going to be moving out of the loft again, very soon."

"And are you OK with that?"

"Yeah, I am now. Sorry about earlier. Did you see the way he looks at her? Like she's the most precious thing ever?"

"He loves her."

"Yes I know, he told me. Come on let's go to bed. School day for you... and me… tomorrow as well. We need sleep."

"Just sleep?"

"Well maybe a little exercise first. Just to help us drop off, you know!"

She smiled.

…

The next day Alexis received a call rescheduling her interview for the following week because the interviewer was ill, so she decided to get to Los Angeles as soon as possible and find out what was going on. She promised to phone both Kevin and her dad, as soon as she knew.

Landing at L.A. International she was whisked to her mother's condo, where she finally demanded to know what was going on. Alexis was angry with her mother when she discovered that the surgery was cosmetic and to her mother's breasts as Meredith needed larger ones for a part she was after.

"You have dragged me all the way here because you want me to hold your hand while you have a breast implant! You are unbelievable. I have a LIFE mother, which only includes you when you deign to drop in. You've only ever been there for me when it suited your purpose. Not when I really NEEDED you. The parents who were there and supported me all my life were Dad and Grams." Meredith was shocked at her daughter's tone, as in the past Alexis had never bothered standing up to her. Going with the line of least resistance until her mother got bored - which was usually fairly quickly - had always seemed an easier option than having a confrontation. But this time she had had enough. However, Meredith hit back.

"It's obvious Detective Ryan is far too old for you and having a bad influence if that is how you how speak to your mother, just because I wanted you to spend a little time with me while I can't work, because I am recovering from surgery. Surgery can be very traumatic you know."

Alexis stared at her in disbelief. "You are having ELECTIVE surgery. You've chosen to have it. You've never HAD to have surgery. Kevin has! I think he has a much better idea of how traumatic surgery can be than you have. HE was really concerned about you when I told him you were having surgery. You know nothing about him, so don't go about criticizing him, or we will really fall out." Meredith flushed with anger.

"Alexis, you…" they were interrupted by Alexis' phone with her dad's ringtone. "Leave it. We need to sort this out," her mother ordered, but Alexis refused saying her dad would only call if it was important, because they had arranged that she would call him. However Meredith found her anger fading and turning to concern as she saw the distress crossing her daughter's face and the color draining from it, turning it a pasty shade of white.

"What?," she asked. "What's happened?"

"I have to go home. Kevin's been shot." Alexis' eyes were filled with unshed tears, and for the first time she could remember her mother willingly pulled her into a comforting embrace.

"How bad?"

"They don't know yet. I have to go."

"I know, we'll change your return ticket at the airport. Come on. Do you need me to come to New York with you?"

"No, you don't need to reschedule your appointment. I'll be fine. But Mom, you'll never know how much it means to me that you offered."

"You're my daughter, Alexis. I might be pretty useless at showing you, but I do love you." Alexis' eyes filled again and then she concentrated on holding herself together as her mother took her back to the airport to fly back to New York. She needed to get to him as quickly as she could, but she was terrified of what she would find when she got there.

…

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	8. The Ryan Family

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

WARNING: Minor spoilers in this chapter for S5E18 - The Wild Rover

* * *

_"Love is no switch - you just can't turn it off"_

Martha Rodgers - 47 seconds

* * *

Chapter Eight: Familia Ryan - The Ryan Family

* * *

Alexis was feeling a little better by the time her plane touched down in New York. Castle had called her in-flight to give her reassuring news and more details about Kevin's injury. The most important point being that it had looked much worse than it was and he was nowhere near as badly hurt as they had feared..

The team had been involved in a quite a drawn out gun battle, with each of them pinned down and separated from the others. They had not even realized that Ryan had been wounded until it was over, himself included. Adrenalin had kept him going, but when the battle was over, after more back-up had arrived and the suspects were in custody, Ryan had looked down at himself drenched in blood in amazement, and then all but collapsed. An ambulance had whisked him off with Esposito on board and Castle had phoned Alexis.

The news when he and Beckett got to the hospital, however, was very positive. The near-collapse had been brought on by blood loss due to the length of time he had been bleeding out, rather than to a reaction to any critical injury. It was a flesh wound to his upper arm and nothing major had been damaged. The fact that he had been so pale and disorientated had led them to believe it was much more serious at first. The hospital had him on a blood transfusion and had stitched and dressed the wound. No surgery was necessary. Alexis was feeling very relieved, but she knew she would not feel completely reassured until she actually saw him.

...

Castle met her at the airport, and said he was taking her to Ryan's apartment, because the hospital had already released him. He knew she was on her way and after telling Castle off for worrying her, he had seemed really pleased that he would see her soon. Castle had promised to take her straight there.

"They've released him already?"

"The transfusion was very effective and they were very pleased at how quickly his pressure came back up. They agreed to let him go if he promised to rest. Kate has told him to stay away from work for at least three to four days."

"I'll make sure he rests. Can you ask Grams to pack some more clothes for me, and would you bring them over for me tomorrow please, Dad?" She looked at him to see him studying her. "What?"

He smiled at her. "You're totally committed to this, aren't you?" She took a deep breath and then answered him.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Kevin is 'it' for me, Dad. I think he was there in the back of my mind for much longer than I realized. But I know now, and I want to spend my life with him."

"I'm pretty sure he wants that too. I'm happy for you kiddo, for both of you."

…

When Kevin had taken Alexis to the airport for her flight to Los Angeles he had pressed a key into her hand just before she left.

"In case you get back, while I'm still at work, I want you to be able to let yourself in. I'm in this for keeps, Lex, what's mine is yours now." Her heart had swelled with love at his words, but now the more practical aspect of that action occurred to her. She could just let herself into the apartment, without having to drag him to the door. As soon as she did, she spotted him asleep on his couch, and was glad she hadn't had to disturb him. She softly made her way over to the couch, and gently perched herself beside him, just taking in her fill of looking at him.

He was still pale, and there were dark smudges under his eyes, hinting at pain he would probably deny. His left upper arm was tightly wrapped in a bandage, but apart from that he looked OK. It could have been so much worse. 'And one day it still could be', a little voice whispered to her, but she ignored it and put it away. She couldn't live on maybes, they just had to make sure that they made the most of every day that they had.

She was loath to disturb him, but couldn't resist softly running her fingers through his hair and leaning to drop a light kiss to his forehead. Despite the lightness of her touch, however, as she pulled back she saw two bright blue eyes staring at her, and a lazy smile gracing his lips.

"Hey," he said softly. "You're home." Again her heart swelled at his words. He was right she WAS home, because she was with him.

"Hey yourself. What are you doing out here? The doctors told you to rest, and you'll do that a whole lot better in bed."

"I was waiting for you. I don't want to go to bed without you."

"Kev, the doctors said REST! Strenuous activity does not constitute rest."

He gave a short laugh. "And rest is what I intend to do. To be honest I don't think I'd be up for anything more at the moment - maybe tomorrow." He laughed again at her mock glare and then added quietly. "I just want to hold you. I need you near. I'm sorry if that seems really clingy, but the worst thing about after… you know… was always waking up alone."

Her face softened and she answered him just as quietly, "I'm right here Kev. I'm not going anywhere."

…

Through the night Kevin rested peacefully with Alexis cradled against his chest and with his right arm encircling her. Only once did she feel him moving restlessly and muttering words she couldn't decipher, but she snuggled even closer to him and rubbed his bare chest soothingly, and he relaxed and slipped back into restful sleep.

The next morning she awoke and lay for a while looking at him. The smudges had cleared and he was a much better color than the day before, she was pleased to see. As he was still peacefully sleeping, she slipped from the bed and went to make coffee, but hurried back to the bedroom when she heard him calling her with a note of desperation in his voice. He relaxed as soon as she saw her there and gave her a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, I woke and you were gone. Too stupid to realize the bed was too warm to have just had me in it, I thought for a moment that it had all been a dream."

"I went to get coffee. I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. Coffee sounds good. Let's have it in the kitchen. I've been lying down too long." He moved to get out of bed and put weight on his left arm without thinking. His face paled and he flopped back onto the bed with a groan, catching his breath.

"Must remember not to use that arm for a while." She had rushed to his side and now looked at him in admonishment.

"Yes, you must! You need to start looking after yourself; I can't be with you every minute."

"Kay, Mom." She looked at him again seeing his color returning and an amused smile on his face. Her lip twitched and then they both burst out laughing.

"Come on, let's get that coffee and maybe something to eat, what do you fancy?" As he spoke, she moved to help him up, and then laughed again as he added, "Lots of desserty things you'd like in the fridge; I stocked up. Chocolate, pancake batter, apple pie even!"

…

They settled on pancakes to eat, and Kevin sorted himself out in the bathroom while she made them. After he had stood and got his balance, he was OK to manage in his own. So now they sat facing each other, tucking into the pancakes and coffee.

"I forgot to ask, with all that happened. How's your mom? Is she OK?"

"She's fine, the surgery was cosmetic and she just wanted me there, not really needed me. She did offer to put it off and fly back with me to see that you were OK."

"That's nice of her."

"Yes, actually it was. She doesn't usually think of others before her own needs, so it was nice for her to put me ahead of what she wanted for a change. How about your family? Did anyone let them know what happened? Will your parents be coming to see you?"

"I don't know; we need to check with your dad. But I doubt if they would come even if they did know."

"Kev! That sounds harsh. Why do you think that?"

"Ma didn't agree with my choices in life. She doesn't think I should be doing a job that she sees as dangerous, because she sees it as selfish to have people who care about you worrying." His voice had a bitter edge to it as he spoke, and now became even harsher. "She also thinks I basically killed Jenny with the choices I made! That actually had me on a guilt trip when I last saw Ma, because she does have a point. It could be said that Jenny died because of my choices."

"Kevin! You know that's not true!"

"It is true to a certain extent, Lex, I chose to go undercover to protect another woman, and that started a chain reaction which ended in my wife's death."

"The operative words there are 'to protect', Kev. No-one can blame you for protecting others, surely?"

"Well, Jenny would never have blamed me for that, and neither did her parents. They were proud of my job. Your dad made me see that I couldn't feel guilty because of the way someone else reacted to my choices. But my ma, she sees it differently."

"I don't understand that; how can she blame you! You don't do the job you do for fun. You do it to protect people and to stop criminals using and hurting them!" There was real distress and anger in Alexis' voice now.

"Honey, it's OK. I've come to terms with the choices I made then, despite their repercussions. But the thing is my ma, and by extension my dad, who always agrees with her, don't agree with that viewpoint and just see me as selfish. Castle let them know when the team pulled me from that warehouse, and my parents did come. But they didn't stop long, and they didn't come back. I visited them afterwards, but I couldn't cope with the atmosphere of disapproval and blame. Call me a coward, but I haven't been to see them since."

"And what about your brother and sisters? Do they blame you too?"

"No, they don't blame me. I don't think so, anyway. I've only seen Brianna and Cathleen, and that was very briefly when I was visiting my parents. The problem I had with seeing them was that they all had young families, and in the immediate aftermath seeing them with their partners and children was just too painful a reminder of all I'd lost. And then time passed, and now I don't know how to approach them after basically ignoring them for so long. I miss Niamh, especially. She's only eighteen months older than me and we were always very close. Sadly, though, she was the one I could least bear to see just afterwards, and I was relieved when she didn't come the day I visited. You see, she and Jenny were both pregnant together, and her son Liam was born while I was still in the hospital. I only know his name because Cathleen told me. I wrote to congratulate her but I couldn't bear to talk to her, and now I just think she'll be angry me for not going to see her and her son. See, a coward again. You don't know what you're signing up for."

"You can't say that. Only I can decide if you are worth my while. I love you, Kev, and I don't see you as a coward. I see you as someone who has been through far too much pain for one lifetime. Pain you don't deserve. I want to make your life wonderful again. Now you deserve the good things. And one of those is reconnecting with your brother and sisters again, especially Niamh. Don't you think you can face them now, with me to back you up? I'll be there all the way for you, Kev. Now's the time to reach out."

"You think?"

"Yeah, I do. I know it will still hurt a little, but don't you want to meet your nephew? He's growing up not knowing you and to be honest I'm sorry for him with that because you are one wonderful person to know." He pulled her to him with his one good arm and hugged her.

"I think you are biased." She smiled and linking her arms around his neck, gave him a quick kiss.

"You're probably right there. But that doesn't mean it's not true." And she pushed him from her. "Call Niamh now. Make the first move. I bet she's not angry. Just waiting for you to be ready."

"How can you know that? You've never met her."

"But I've heard the way you talk about her. No-one who inspires that much love and affection can be a horrible person. Call her."

"What is it with your family and bullying me into calling people?"

She smirked. "It's not bullying. It's persuading you to believe in yourself. Anyway, I thought you were glad you followed the advice last time!"

"Oh God, yes I am! I was just teasing you and putting off the inevitable a little while longer. But I know you won't let me off the hook now."

"Too right I won't. Actually, why don't you see if we can go up and see her while you're off work. I'll drive and you can just rest up in the car. Philadelphia isn't so far, only about a two hour drive."

"You have this all planned out, don't you?" She nodded, still smiling at him.

"OK! I won't put it off anymore." Yet, although he picked up his phone, he just stood looking at it.

"Kevin! Call!" He jumped.

"OK, Okay. I'm calling. See." And he dialed the number.

…

Niamh had sounded a little wary on the phone, but she had happily agreed that the two of them could visit the day after the next, and she suggested they stay overnight and return to New York the following day. Kevin agreed they should stay as it would save Alexis driving both ways in one day, and he knew she wouldn't let him drive. If things went south they could still come home instead.

The next day was spent lazing together, and ended with a much recovered Kevin showing Alexis exactly how much he had missed her. And now as the reunion day had rolled around, he reclined in the passenger seat of the Ferrari while Alexis drove. Castle had lent them the car when Alexis had told him about the trip, saying that the car would be far more comfortable than Kevin's, and that he loved to travel in the Ferrari. Her dad had warned her of dire consequences, however, if she damaged it in anyway. Alexis had rolled her eyes at that comment, but still Kevin noticed her taking extra care as she drove, though it was debatable whether that was concern for the car or concern for him.

It seemed no time at all that they were arriving at Niamh's small but attractive house, and Kevin was face to face with his closest sister for the first time in over three years. She was small, with neat pixie-like features and a swathe of dark brown hair. She didn't look like him at all, but you couldn't miss they were related because of her eyes. These were the one feature they had in common; the same vivid blue, with hidden twinkles in their depths. They just stared at each other for a moment, and Alexis held her breath, as she considered that Kevin may have been right when he said that Niamh was probably angry, but then she let it out in relief, as Niamh grabbed her brother and pulled him into a crushing hug.

"Hey, Niamh, can't breathe here! I never could figure out how someone so small can crush the very air from your lungs. Must be the leprechaun in you!"

She laughed at him. "Oh, baby brother, I have missed you! And you must be Alexis?" At her nod, Alexis found herself pulled into Niamh's embrace and experienced firsthand that Kevin was quite right when he said the hugs were breathtaking. "Come away in, and meet your godson."

"My godson?"

Niamh nodded, as she ushered them into a light airy living room. "We'd already decided to ask you before everything happened. You were too ill to come to the christening so Dermot stood as proxy for you. But Liam's always been your godson, just waiting for you to come and meet him. And here he is," she added as a small blonde-haired toddler, with the same vivid blue eyes as his mother and uncle, approached them and threw himself at Kevin. "Liam, this is…"

"Unca Kevin. At last!" said the toddler in an excited voice. "I've been waitin for you since Mummy said you were coming this morning. Come on, I wanna show you things and we need to play. Mummy said you're a good fighter. I've got sabers from Star Wars and they were yours once she said, so you gotta show me how to fight with them." And the women laughed as he dragged Kevin away into an adjoining room.

"He's a chatterbox," said Alexis, as she listened to the excited non-stop chatter from the other room.

"Yes, he is," said his mother. "He's just like Kevin was." Alexis noticed a sheen of tears in Niamh's eyes as she added. "It's strange that Kevin's own child was taken from us, but my child, his godson, is like a carbon copy of him. Sometimes I wonder of it's a cosmic joke or a consolation prize."

"I don't think it's either," said Alexis. "I've only just met him, but I can already see that he's too wonderful a child to be anything but a gift in his own right." Niamh smiled at her.

"Kevin's right about you. You are pretty amazing! And I've only just met you too. Now come and have some coffee, while my son wears out my brother."

"Kay, but we'll need to rescue him shortly. He may look good, but he's still recovering and gets tired quite easily."

"Recovering from what? He didn't mention any illness when he phoned."

"He was shot." As Niamh gasped, she rushed to add, "but don't worry, it wasn't too serious. Just a flesh wound. He's just sore and cranky at times. It's only been three days, but he'll be fine. He's tougher than he looks."

"He always has been. I wanted to come to him when he was so hurt, but I was in the hospital myself, having Liam. And then I thought it would hurt him to see the baby and I couldn't leave him, not when he was so little. Has Kevin told you about what happened?"

"He didn't need to. He works with my dad. I've known Kevin for years. I knew Jenny too, a little."

"Your dad's a cop? I suppose that makes it easier to understand what's going on with him."

"In a way, yes. But my dad's isn't a cop. He's a writer. He started working with them for research, but then he sort of stuck. And he's still writing the books featuring them."

"Kevin's a character in a book? What's your dad's name? Would I have heard of him?"

"Maybe. He's called Richard Castle."

"Castle? Do you mean the Nikki Heat books? I love those! Kevin's in… Oh my God, he's Raley isn't he? I thought there was something familiar about that character."

Alexis laughed. "Yes he is; and I'll tell you a secret: he is and always has been my favorite character, even though Rook is basically my dad!"

Niamh joined her in the laughter, and the two women continued to get to know each other and bond over their mutual love and affection for the same man.

…

They had been talking some time, when a knock on the door was followed by the arrival of two other women. Though not very tall, both were taller than Niamh, and their coloring was different as well with both of them sporting light brown hair much closer to Kevin's color, but again they had those vivid blue eyes designating them as Ryans. These were Brianna and Cathleen and Alexis found herself welcomed by them both.

"You've brought our baby brother home," said Cathleen. "We can never thank you enough for that."

Cathleen was pushing a stroller containing her sleeping two year old daughter, and Alexis knelt down to look, smiling at the heart-shaped face ringed by soft brown curls.

"She's beautiful. What's her name?"

"Chloe," said her mom, with a proud smile.

After some time drinking coffee, getting to know each other and laughing together, the four of them decided to go and rescue Kevin and found him lying on the couch in the playroom, with Liam curled against him. Both of them were fast asleep.

"Look at them," said Brianna. "They're like two peas in a pod."

"Wait a moment, while I grab my phone," said Cathleen "I need to preserve this for posterity."

"Don't you dare!" said a sleepy voice, and a pair of bleary blue eyes peered up at them. Then Kevin gently extricated himself from below his godson, and settling Liam back to sleep on the couch, turned to his sisters and hugged them both. Alexis was pleased to see that he was having a lot less trouble using his left arm. Although it would probably have not affected his job if there had been any long term damage, as it was not his gun hand, it was still reassuring to see that the arm was healing as it should.

"About time you came home, _deartháir leanbh_," said Cathleen.

"I'm sorry. I coul…"

We know; you're here now. That's what matters," said Brianna. "Welcome home, _mo ghrá_"

…

The rest of the afternoon was spent in relaxed conversation, periodically adding more people into the mix, as the girls' husbands and children gradually joined them, including the two sleeping beauties. And as afternoon turned to early evening, Alexis found herself present for the first of many meals spent with an affectionate and noisy Irish family. The large trestle table was located in the back yard of the home, and the people packed around it numbered fourteen. The meal of corned beef and cabbage with a side of baked potato was prepared by Dermot, Niamh's husband, and was delicious.

As she looked around at the smiling faces, and listened to the interactions and joking, Alexis was truly glad that she had persuaded Kevin to reunite with his siblings. His face was filled with joy as he underwent the good natured teasing, and recounting of many an embarrassing story, told for Alexis' benefit. She realized that the reason he took the ribbing at the precinct in such good part, was because he had grown up being teased, and learned to live with it. Niall and his family not been able to join them, but Niamh had said they were coming the next day to see the couple before they returned home to New York.

As the evening had worn on, Alexis had noted a pinched look coming into Kevin's face, and now that the elder girls and their families had departed she was anxious to persuade him to their bed. Niamh and Dermot had wished them goodnight, showing them to a small but comfortable guest room, and now they lay together, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Thank you," said Kevin sleepily, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "I hadn't realized how much had truly missed them, until now. It's been a wonderful day."

She lifted her face to look into his, and returned his kiss to his lips. "Yes it has, and there's more tomorrow, when Naill comes, so get some sleep."

"Hmm, goo'idea." His voice was fading fast and she looked at him in amusement, literally falling asleep in her arms.

She gave him a kiss to his forehead, and said softly, "Good night, my love. Sleep well."

Her only answer was a soft snore, and she smiled.

…

deartháir leanbh - baby brother

mo ghrá - my love

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	9. The Meeting

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"Sometimes it's the people we think we know best that we don't really know at all."_

Richard Castle - The Limey

* * *

Conventu - The Meeting

* * *

After a good night's sleep, Kevin was looking forward to seeing his brother. He hadn't seen Niall in over five years, as he had always been away on naval business when the family got together. In fact, the last time at been at his and Jenny's wedding.

He and Alexis joined his sister and her husband and were presented with a hearty breakfast of bacon, waffles and eggs served with orange juice and coffee.

"Wow, I could get used to this," said Kevin, around a mouthful of good food. His sister laughed and then glancing at her husband concentrated her attention on her brother with a serious expression on her face.

"What?" he asked

"I told you Niall and Christina and the twins are coming."

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it."

"Well… Ma and Dad are coming as well."

"What! Niamh they don't want to see me. They probably want to tell Alexis how much danger she's in and try to get her to make me leave the force!"

""Kevin, you're being unfair."

"NO! You are. She's NEVER accepted my choice of career, and you weren't there when I visited after Jenny died. The disapproval and blame dripped from her."

"Kevin! All these years and you still don't get Ma." His sister's voice was tinged with exasperation. "You are as bad as each other. When Ma's worried she hits out in anger. It isn't your job. It was never about that. It was abject terror that she would lose you. And now with all that's happened she has lost you, even though you're still alive."

"She caused that herself." His voice was stubborn and unyielding.

"I know, and so does she. And Dad's just caught up in the middle of it, 'cause he won't go against her, even though he misses you too. Ma's always used anger to cover her fear. Remember how cross she used to get when we were ill? Even as she dosed us up, and cared for us to ensure we got better, she would be making her anger plain. You're her baby, and then you went into a job where you could easily get killed. And what happened to you and Jenny just convinced her she was right."

"Niall's job can be dangerous, as well. He's in the Navy for God's sake. But she doesn't make him feel that his career choice is terrible and she's always saying how proud of him she is." The pain now present in Kevin's voice was palpable, and made Alexis want to reach and hug him and never let go, but she knew this was something he needed to face, and so left it to Niamh to continue.

"Niall's the eldest. She sees him as being able to look after himself. Besides he's a JAG; a lawyer, even if he is a naval one. She thinks he just goes to courtrooms and the most dangerous thing he has to face is a pointed comment!"

"He's been short term deployed. He's been to Afghanistan for God's sake!"

"I know. But I'm not sure Ma does, or at least lets herself be conscious of it. Niall rarely talks about his job. All she sees is the lawyer part."

"She blames me for Jenny's death."

"No, not really." Niamh's voice had softened, "She's missed you Kevin. We all have. Please give her one last chance. If not for her, then for me."

"OK," he said slowly. "I'll do it for you. But if she starts on Alexis, we're out of here."

"I'm sure, from what I've seen, that Alexis can stand up for herself. I don't know exactly what Ma or Dad will have to say. All I ask is that you hear them out and then decide."

He stared at her in contemplation, and then nodded. "OK. Fair enough. When are they coming?"

"Not for a couple more hours. About eleven. And Niall and his family should be here around twelve-thirty, in time for us all to have lunch together."

Kevin nodded. "Then let's get back to this delicious breakfast while we still can." The laughter re-emerged into the room, but it was superficial now, slightly unnatural, and the atmosphere was tinged with an anxious anticipation.

…

After breakfast, Alexis watched as Kevin paced and became more and more antsy. She had never seen him so anxious before.

"Hey, it's going to be OK. It's just your parents and you have all of us here to back you up."

He shook his slightly. "I know. I don't know why they get to me like this. I just don't want them to start on you."

"Niamh's right. I can stand up for myself. I want my life to be with you, Kev. Nothing and nobody is going to make me change my mind about that." He looked at her in awe.

"How did I ever get so lucky? You are truly amazing."

"I think I'm the lucky one. But I'll take the compliment in the spirit it's made. Thank you. Now tell me more about them. All I've heard is recent and mainly about your mom. Tell me about your dad and what is was like when you were growing up. You said you had fun with the singing and dancing."

He gave a huffed laugh. "Yeah we did. Ma could be a lot of fun when she was in the right mood. There wasn't lots of money, but there was enough, and she got us to appreciate each other and do things together. Hence the singing and dancing, although we did a lot of make believe playing as well. Niamh's right about her reaction to one of us being ill or hurt though, she did get angry. She was never one for platitudes and verbal comforts, just a sharp retort about you being a nuisance. Her touch was comforting, though. She was never angry with us physically, if you know what I mean, not for being ill anyway. If we had done something wrong, she punished us physically, but even then it was a mild punishment. A slap to the backside or the like. And her anger was a sight to behold if anyone outside ever threatened one of us. She was like a lioness with her cubs, a cuff round the ear, but a fierce protector of our safety."

"Maybe that's part of it. Maybe she sees your job as a threat to your safety. You think?"

"Maybe, but I'm not a child any more. And I don't do a job that's dangerous for the sake of it. I'm not a stunt man or a racecar driver. I do a job that protects people, and as a protector herself she should understand that."

"Yes, she should. But you're not just anyone, are you? Not to her. You're her son. She would probably have been just as hard on Niall if he had enlisted in the regular Navy, or the Army, rather than the JAG corps." She let him think on that for a moment and then said, "And how about your dad. What's he like?"

"Quiet, in the background. Ma definitely was the one in charge, and he was totally devoted to her. He was there for us though, in his way. Actually, he was the one to go to if you wanted a hug 'cause you were hurting. He could make us laugh too, in a quiet unassuming way. Had, probably still has, a great sense of humor."

"Well that'll be where you get it from, then. Because you have a great one too." He lifted his eyebrows at her with a sly smile.

"I do, do I?"

"Yes, you do." She gave a sultry smile back and linked her arms behind his neck raising her lips to give him light kiss. "But you see that's combined with a smart mind, and a ve… ery hot body to make the perfect package." He smiled at her again, as she returned her lips for a longer and deeper kiss, which quite quickly escalated and he pushed her towards the bed. Turning, he dropped his body down onto it, bringing her down on top of him. His hands were roaming her body, pushing her top up, and smoothing the soft skin of her back. He had just reached the clasp of her bra, and was about to pop it, when there was a knock on the door, followed by Niamh's voice.

"Kevin, Alexis, they're here." He groaned and dropped his head back onto the bed and Alexis smiled. She turned her head and called out that they were just coming.

"Not exactly the way I wanted to come," said Kevin, with another groan. Alexis swatted his right arm lightly, and smiled again.

"We'll continue this when we get home. And don't you worry I'll make sure you come every which way then."

His eyes gleamed. "Is that a promise, Wench?"

"Oh yeah. Now come on let's go see your parents."

He sobered at that. "Yeah," he breathed. "Into the breach," and he rolled her off him, raised himself up and offered her his hand.

…

As they entered the living room, Alexis took a good look at the two people awaiting them. Kevin's mother was small and neat and looked very similar to Niamh; although she was slightly taller, and had green eyes with the dark hair, rather than blue. In his father, though, she could clearly see Kevin's heritage. The Kevin of the future could be seen in this man standing before her, in front of the hearth, and as he turned towards them, the vivid blue Ryan eyes looked into hers. Both of his parents smiled at them, but while his father's was a warm and sincere smile, his mother's was tentative and wary.

His father spoke to them as they paused in the doorway.

"Hello Kevin, it's good to see you, Son. And you must Alexis. Niamh has been telling us about you. Your father's a writer, I hear. I don't read fiction as a rule, so I haven't heard of him, but she says he's very successful."

"Yes, he is. His books are very popular, especially the most recent series." She was conscious, that as they spoke, Kevin and his mother were staring at each other, and the air was heavy with tension. Suddenly his mother rose to her feet, and walking to her son, pulled him into a hug. His whole body went rigid, but then slowly relaxed, as he heard the whispered words in his ear.

"I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry." She pulled back to look at him, and then spoke louder. "We should have been there for you, when you were recovering. Your father wanted to come back, but I couldn't bear to look at you, at what they'd done to you. And then when you came to see us. The pain was all around you, and… and I was just so angry at what they had done, that I took it out on you, because that was easier than trying to help you cope with it. It's the way I've always coped with worry and pain. It's easier to be angry than to face it. But I've had a long time to think about it, and I want us to try and put the past behind us, if you can try with us."

Kevin had always been a forgiving person. Never one to hold grudges, and despite his reservations he knew Niamh was right when she had said they deserved another chance. For after all, didn't everyone? He always believed it should be so for criminals, so why not his own parents… especially his own parents.

So he nodded and said to her, "We'll see how it goes, Ma."

Niamh beamed at them. "Come on sit down, everybody. Coffee you two?"

As they chatted, the atmosphere lightened, and laughter emerged slowly and gradually into the room. Kevin and his mother were both very quiet, but the conversation was carried forwards by the others, and the dry sense of humor Kevin had mentioned in his father was evident and responsible for much of the laughter. And then Niall arrived with his wife, Christina, and their two year old twins, Laurel and James. Liam dragged the twins off to play and the rest settled to talk before lunch. Niall was just as much a tease as his younger siblings, and now Kevin was far more relaxed and talkative, though his mother remained very quiet.

Alexis knew the future relationship would not be all plain sailing. There was still the problem of how his mother felt about his job, and she knew he would never change it to appease her. Being a cop was an integral part of him, a way to ensure that all those around him were safe and victims of crime got justice and closure. Alexis was proud of him for that and would never want him to change. But maybe there was a way now that he and his mother could discuss it and come to terms. There was still a long way to go, but at least he was back with his family and talking to them. It was a start.

…

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	10. The Test

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"Bad things can happen, no matter what you do."_

Richard Castle - 47 Seconds

* * *

Ludicio - The Test

October 2016

* * *

A month into their relationship and they lived in a contradiction.

It felt like they had always been together, never been apart; and yet every time they were together was fresh and new, like it was the first time of connection over and over. They were so in synch that sometimes they didn't even need the conversations no-one else could understand. Now they could understand each purely with a look and a sigh. And yet every day it seemed they learned something new about the other, nothing was stale and taken for granted.

As Castle had predicted, Alexis had completely moved into Kevin's small apartment and with all her belongings quarters were a little tight, but they had promised themselves they would look for somewhere bigger when they had the time. At the moment, however, things at the 12th were especially busy and Alexis was getting into her new job, which she had secured from the postponed interview. So they decided to wait and live in the cramped home, and when it got too much they just laughed and escaped to their bed where it didn't matter if they were cramped as they usually occupied the same space anyway.

The sex was amazing and here too they kept finding new ways to excite and satisfy the other. But for Kevin, especially, the best part was being able to hold her; to fall asleep with her near and to wake in her arms.

The only problem Alexis had was Kevin's tendency to try to overprotect her at every turn. He had warned her at the start, and tried so hard not to, but living through a traumatic loss such as he had, tended to make him verge on being overcautious every time when it came to her. To find one perfect partner in life was a blessing which many didn't achieve, but to find two was a miracle. This was the miracle of his life and it was one he didn't want to waste and was terrified of losing. He wasn't sure if he would be able to hold it together if anything ever happened to her.

…

On this morning a news item caught Kevin's attention as he prepared their breakfast, and he stopped for a moment to watch. When Alexis joined him some minutes later, and they sat down to eat, he took a deep breath and then suggested she take a short vacation from work to look for that bigger apartment.

"I can't," she protested. "You know I need to get my feet under the table before I can take leave. And anyway I thought you were too busy at the moment."

"Well, yes, I am. But I just thought you could look." He shifted his eyes down to his plate and reddened slightly.

"Kev. What's going on?"

"Noth…" he looked into her face and the skeptical look on it, and sighed. "OK. I just think a few days away from your lab would be a good idea at the moment. There are Pro-Life protesters outside stopping workers going in."

"That's been going on for a couple of days. It's OK."

"There was a report just on and they said that things looked to be escalating. A man was assaulted this morning and they've had to up the police presence."

"Then with the extra police I will be perfectly safe." A note of exasperation came into her voice. "Kev, we've talked about this before. You can't just wrap me up and lock me away from the world every time there is a potential for harm. You have to accept that I am an adult and need to be able to take risks just like anyone else. Just like you! Every day you go to work you could end up injured, or even dead. I have to live with that, and you have to live with the fact that I need to get out there and live my life as well."

He sighed. "I know that. I just worry." Her face softened and she reached out to catch his hand.

"I know my love, and I know why. But I'll be fine; I promise. Any sign of trouble and I'll yell for a cop." She raised her eyebrows and gave a smirk. "You never know, I might get a cute one! I did before."

He laughed. "The only 'cute cop' you are going to be getting is sitting right here. And don't you forget it!"

"Oh I never do!" she said in a sultry tone. "I'll be counting the hours until I can get my 'cute cop' exactly where I want him."

Now it was his turn to smirk. "Is that right?"

"Oh yeah!"

…

The morning in the 12th Homicide Division was quiet, and Beckett and her team concentrated on cold cases, as there was nothing new at the moment. Castle had been out seeing his publisher, but as the clock turned to midday he arrived and suggested they all went out to lunch together as it was such a slow day. They all agreed it was a good idea, but as they grabbed their coats to leave, Captain Gates came out of her office, sporting her usual stern expression, and asked the whole team to join her in her office.

"Lunch'll have to wait. Looks like we might have a case, 'cause I can't think of anything we've done wrong recently," said Beckett wryly.

As they trooped into her office, Gates was back behind her desk, and she looked down at it and took a deep breath. Confused by the silence Beckett spoke up.

"Sir." Gates looked up, but she didn't respond to her detective, instead she directed her gaze to Castle.

"Mr. Castle, where does your daughter work?"

"It's… er…"

"Conlan Research Laboratories," injected Ryan, and then added anxiously. "What's happened?" Gates redirected her gaze to him.

"The reports are sketchy at the moment, but apparently there has been an explosion." They all reacted to that. Beckett grabbed for Castle's hand as he went white and gasped loudly. Esposito grabbed for his partner as well, but Ryan was beside himself, shaking his head in denial

"No, she said… I told her not to go… I have to get there." He made for the door, but Esposito held him back as Gates spoke again.

"Detective Ryan, stand down." And then her voice softened and in an uncharacteristic display she added, "Kevin, I know this is hard for you. I understand, I really do. But if you want Alexis to get out of there safely you need to listen and see how you can help, and it's not by getting in the way of the fire department trying to do their job." With a visible effort Ryan reduced his agitation and turned back to her.

"OK, what do we know?"

"After the assault incident, police investigating were given some threat letters from protesters to check through. One of those is of specific interest now, as it claims that the lab will burn for their mistakes. I was contacted when they also checked an employee list and picked up on her name. I needed to make sure it wasn't a coincidence. I want you to…" She paused as her phone rang

"Gates. What?!" The four in the office with her looked at each other and Ryan's and Castle's agitation levels both rose again.

"What now?" asked Castle.

"It seems there are complications. The fire department can't get into the building because when they try to go in the front there is a sniper on the roof stopping them, and the rest of the building is under security protocol lockdown, due to the explosion. They are trying to override, but something or someone is stopping them."

"Take the sniper out!" said Esposito.

Gates huffed annoyance at that remark. "Don't you think they've thought of that, Detective? SWAT are looking at it. But the sniper has positioned himself very well. They can't find a shot at this time."

"And meanwhile everyone inside burns." Ryan's voice was filled with anguish. "How many?"

"They estimate around thirty-two employees. But the good news is that the fire at this time is small, and the protocols are protecting those still inside from it. Trouble is, because it's a lab, there are multiple chemicals and it's only a matter of time until the fire reaches them. Another explosion will obviously quickly escalate the situation. The fire crews need access."

She sighed again. "While the computer people are looking at breaking the protocols and SWAT are looking for a way to eliminate the sniper threat, I need you to look at the letters and try to find out who is doing this and why. I have convinced the Brass that a certain amount of creativity is called for and this is the team who can access that. Also in this case your personal interest should work in our favor because no-one else will want to solve this more than the four of you. BUT Beckett and Esposito take point and conduct any interviews and follow any outside leads. You can have any help you need, Detectives. Mr. Castle, Detective Ryan, you are both on lockdown and do not leave this building unless I give you leave. This is the only way I will allow the two of you access. Do you understand?"

Ryan wanted to argue with her, but he knew she had stuck her neck out to even get them this much. By all the rules he and Castle should have been totally excluded from the case; and maybe Beckett and Esposito as well. So instead of arguing he just took a deep breath and agreed. And the other three did as well.

"But I want to try phoning her. I want to know she's OK, and she might have some information that could help." Castle was nodding at him, agreeing, but Gates gave a sigh.

"You can try. But they haven't managed to get through to anyone inside. Communications seem to be blocked as well." Ryan ignored her and dialed but gave a curse at it went straight to voice mail.

"We can keep calling while we work," said Castle. "All we can do is keep trying."

…

Gates had authorized a television feed of the local news to the monitor in the bullpen. This meant they could concentrate on what they needed to do without constantly worrying about what was happening. They knew in real-time and it made a world of difference to them.

"What does this lab actually do? Why are there Pro-Lifers protesting? Is it a medical facility as well? Let's pull up the site and find out."

"You don't need to do that, Beckett." Ryan told them. "Alexis filled me in already. It's a research lab. They experiment with embryos to try to eliminate the genes which cause life threatening illnesses. They also run tests on placental fluid on fetuses to determine if they have conditions like Downs Syndrome. This gives the parents the option of aborting if they want to. Hence, the Pro-Life interest."

"Right. Well, let's get to it."

Beckett and Castle started with the letters, which had been delivered to them while they were in Gates' office, and any mentioned names were ran through her computer. Ryan was checking the employees for any links to the Pro-life or affiliated organizations, and Esposito checked the membership of said organizations and cross-checked it with the list of protesters the uniforms had collected that morning. They all worked as quickly and yet as thoroughly as they could, constantly aware of the ticking clock. Periodically Ryan or Castle tried to call Alexis' cell, but it always went to voicemail.

Beckett and Esposito had found a couple of links between the letters and the morning's list and had arranged for them to be brought in so they could talk to them. Meanwhile Castle kept coming back to the 'special interest' letter again and again. It was very vague in the information actually in it, giving no names or dates to follow up on, but there was something about it, and not just the reference to the lab burning.

"Hey, Ryan, look at this for moment and tell me what strikes you? There is something that is different to the other letters, but I can't put my finger on it."

_This lab needs to be destroyed and will be burnt to the ground._

_Those responsible for deaths by their negligence and mistakes will be punished._

_They are responsible for the murder and suffering of innocents, and will burn in hell._

"I don't know. It doesn't mention abortion directly, though it does mention murdering. There's the suffering as well, that seems a bit odd. Even Pro-Lifers admit that a fetus at the stage it is aborted is unlikely to have any feelings of pain. I think the weirdest thing though is the negligence. They see abortion as wrong, so running tests on fetuses for illnesses and giving the option for abortion could be classed as a mistaken thing to do, but I can't see how could be called negligent."

"You're right. That is odd. Negligence, negligence. What does that literally mean? Well it's still a mistake, but not a mistaken belief or accident. It's a mistake by not doing the job properly. What if this is not a general objection at all? A specific one? Giving results which led to the abortion of a perfectly normal fetus?"

"But how would they know? Would they be told afterwards? It seems unlikely?"

"Unless there was a connection to someone in the hospital or center where the abortion took place. Look we've nowhere else to go at the moment, so while Beckett and Esposito talk to those two possibles, we could either just watch the interviews or run with this and see what we could find." Ryan nodded.

"OK, I'd get even more antsy if we were doing nothing except observation anyway. **Right**, I think this reaction is too extreme to be a one-off abortion with no other factors, so let's look for abortion procedures carried out on women had problems conceiving. I'll go for multiple abortions and miscarriages. You go for women who had abortions after IVF."

They got their heads down, but were both pulling multiple results, and were trying to think of a way to narrow it down, when Beckett and Esposito got back to them.

"Any good?" Castle asked, but they shook their heads.

"Nothing. Neither have the expertise or contacts to pull something like this off. What are you two doing?" asked Becket.

"Well we had an idea, but we need a way to narrow it down more." He started to explain to them the idea they had had, but were interrupted by Gates. "There's been another letter, and this one has a demand. They are bringing it now, but here's a fax in the meantime."

"What do they want?" Gates looked down at the fax.

"The names of all lab employees who carried out tests on the fetus of a Miranda Sinclair in September 2015."

"That's all?" asked Beckett

"Hey," said Ryan. "She's on my list. Had three miscarriages and two aborted fetuses, but she also had a live birth in March this year. That doesn't make sense. This test didn't show anything wrong, and it led to a living child."

"We got something wrong," said Castle. "Does it say anything more?"

"Erm, yeah, actu…" Ryan's voice trailed off as he was interrupted by a loud explosion on the feed. They all looked in horror at the screen as they heard a reporter on-site reporting.

"There has been a further explosion at the Conlan Research Labs in Brooklyn. Fears are mounting for the people still inside as fire personnel are denied access due to a sniper attack. This is Amy Collins reporting live for WABC News. Again there has been…"

…

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	11. The Resolution

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"See you on the other side, Brother"_

Kevin Ryan - The Wild Rover

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Consilium - The Resolution

* * *

As soon as he saw the report Ryan tried Alexis' cell again, and then threw his phone across the room in frustration, as once more it went straight to voice-mail. He just stood there shaking and wondering if this day could get any worse. He was glad they were working the case, but he wanted to be out there on the ground trying to get into that damn building.

He felt a hand on his arm and turned to look at Castle. The writer's eyes were haunted and Ryan was reminded of the time she had been kidnapped. They pulled each other into a hug and shared their anguish at the unknown fate of the young woman they both loved. Beckett rubbed Castle's back in silent support and Esposito crashed himself into his chair and clenched his fists, wishing there was something he could hit.

A clearing throat got their attention and they all looked towards Gates. Her face was as stern as usual, but her eyes displayed her own distress and support for them all.

"We haven't time for this," she said. "We need to find out why this is happening and see about getting all those people, including that precious young woman, home."

"You're right," said Beckett. "Ryan, what else was there on that report?" He shook his head to clear it and then picked up the report, trying once more to concentrate on it.

"The baby, a little girl, Ashley, was born with Patau Syndrome and she only lived five and half weeks. She died in May."

"Patau syndrome? What's that?" Beckett asked, and then the answer came, but from an unexpected quarter.

"It's a chromosome abnormality and it causes multiple birth defects. It can be very painful for the child as they can have heart problems, eyes can be malformed, have trouble feeding as many are born with cleft palates, and they can even literally forget to breathe. And that's just a few of the things that can be wrong. What's Patau Syndrome got to do with the lab and our girl?"

Esposito had let Lanie know about the lab and Alexis, and she had been coming up to get an update on progress whenever she could. Now he stood and took her hand, as Ryan filled her in.

"We've had a demand for the name or names of the techs who ran fetal tests on a baby born with it. But the tests came back clear. The parents didn't know, so never had the option to abort. I think that's what the letter means when it talks about negligence."

"It's not negligence. That syndrome doesn't always show up in the tests. It's a hard one." Ryan had continued reading the report.

"Oh God! There's more. The mother, Miranda took a fatal overdose in June. They're both dead, mother and child. So the man on the roof is probably the father, Karl Sinclair. If we get the techs' names and get them there, he's gonna kill them!"

On hearing about the fate of mother and baby, Esposito had run a check on the father, and now added in his information.

"Karl Sinclair is a military sniper. And he also has a degree in Computer Science. Until September he was deployed in Afghanistan. He never got to see his daughter, and he was only allowed home briefly in June on bereavement leave for his wife's funeral."

"So basically," said Castle, "this couple has tried for years to have a child, but there was always something wrong with the pregnancy. Then they get told that finally they are going to have a healthy child, but she is born with terrible defects and only lives a very short time. I think it can explain why he would go off the deep end, but can he be talked down?"

"He won't talk to anyone," Gates said.

"How does he want the information relayed to him?" asked Beckett. "There's no point in making demands if you can't access the responses."

"He wants the name or names and pictures of them released to the news."

"He must have a laptop up there. That's how he's blocking communication and stopping the lockdown protocols from being released. How's IT doing on that?"

Gates shook her head. "Not good. They can't break through the firewalls he's put up. He's planned this to the last detail with military precision, even down to where to position himself so he has access to shoot, but can't be shot back at."

"But he probably will need to move, to precision shoot, to take out the techs," said Esposito.

They looked at him in question, and Beckett put it into words. "What do you mean?"

"Denying access is easy, you blanket shoot, because it doesn't matter where you hit. But if you want to hit a specific target you need to get a sharp angle, and I'm betting he can't get that angle from where he is now. He'd need to be nearer to the edge."

"So what we need is a diversion, which would make him move. But we can't use those techs, put them at risk, even to save the people in the building. I can't believe he would think we would expose someone like that, or that they would allow themselves to be exposed anyway," said Beckett.

"So how do we create that diversion?" asked Castle.

"We give him what he wants," said Ryan. They all just stared at him.

"We just said…" Beckett started, when he interrupted her.

"I don't mean the actual techs, I mean someone pretending; who's trained and can take a dive on command. We only need a few seconds to get him to move."

"I can't ask anyone to put themselves at risk like that, Detective."

"You don't need to. I'm volunteering." They all started to object, but he interrupted them again.

"Look, the bottom line is we don't have time to talk him down, however much we want to. There've already been two explosions, and it won't be long before there's another. Those people don't have any more time, and neither do we. Captain, the woman I love is in there. I can't go through that again! Especially not if there's something I can do to stop it. Give me a name, any name, but make sure it's an ex-employee in case he has a list, and put my face up there. We have to do this, Captain, it's the only way." Her face showed her concern, but she sharply nodded anyway, and went to make calls to arrange it.

"Are you sure about this, Bro? You're putting your life in the hands of a SWAT sniper. They are good and all, but you don't know them and they don't know you. It's just a job. I'm not saying…" But again Ryan interrupted.

"That's why I want you."

"What?"

"You're the best shot I know Javi, and besides, timing's going to be crucial in this and we know each other's moves. The other thing is I know is that you'll try to take him out without a kill shot. He's military, like you were, and he's suffered enough. I know that suffering and how it feels. I don't think the way he's doing this is right, and God knows I hate him for putting Lex at risk, but I think he needs help rather than punishment. Sorry, Castle, if you don't agree with that."

"No, actually I do. But Alexis and you are my concerns, and if the only way is to kill him, then so be it."

…

They didn't know how she did it, but Gates got the Brass to agree with the whole plan. Esposito was up on the roof of the building with the best possible angle on the place he had worked out Sinclair needed to be, and he had briefed Ryan on the exact route he wanted him to take to the front of the building. Surrounding him were a team of SWAT snipers to back him up.

As they had expected, when the details had been released to the news and broadcast, Sinclair had sent an email to the department, demanding that the tech Jude Lawrence come to the front of the clinic. He also said he wanted him to read out an attached statement admitting negligence in the testing and admitting guilt for the suffering and deaths of Melinda and Ashley.

Ryan was prepared to read out the statement, in case that was really all Sinclair wanted, but they were all skeptical that Sinclair was willing to put so many people at risk to simply achieve that goal. They believed the first letter. He wanted the tech dead. Nevertheless Esposito knew if he didn't move, Sinclair wouldn't be able to take an accurate shot. Ryan was clothed in a flak vest and although still at risk, should be able to get out of the way of a blanket shoot, and Ryan had a hidden ear button connecting him to his partner so that Esposito could give him instructions on when to move and how.

In addition as soon as the shoot went down a second SWAT team was set to storm the roof. Beckett had been offered a place with that team, but she opted to stay on the ground with Castle and Martha and Lanie. The fire department was also on alert to get into the lab as soon as they were given the all clear to use the front entrance. Everything depended on the critical timing of the beginning of the operation, but the two main players in that crucial stage had absolute faith and trust in the other to be able to pull it off.

…

As Ryan walked out in the front of the lab building, he could feel the adrenaline surging through him. Everything was eerily silent and he reached the front without a sound coming from his partner. He pulled the statement from his pocket, and started to read, knowing that the microphones on the news vans were picking up everything he was saying.

And then suddenly his partner's voice was in his ear telling to him to dive right, and a single shot rang out from far above him. Then it was mayhem, as the noise of a battle came from the opposite roof top, followed by a call for a bus. Sinclair was down and subdued, but not dead. Esposito had pulled off the near impossible shot as Ryan knew he would. The fire department was now storming into the lab, and the news was coming down that the protocols had been lifted as soon as the laptop was secured and a tech had been able to disable the firewalls.

He wanted to run into the building, but knew he would only get in the way. He'd done his job, now he needed to let the fire department do theirs, and bring his lady out to him. He joined his friends, his family and waited. Shortly Esposito too joined the vigil. And they waited.

And then the firemen started to bring people out and he strained to see her, but Castle spotted her first.

"Alexis!" He called and waved as they all started to move towards her. She smiled briefly at her dad and then only had eyes for him, as she ran and threw herself into his arms.

For the first time, since it all started he felt like he could actually take a calm breath. Had it only been a few hours? It felt like forever. He showered her face with kisses, as she breathlessly spoke to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I should have done what you said!"

"It's not your fault. You said it this morning, bad things happen, but we can't stop living. We just have to make the most of what we have. I love you, Lex."

"I love you back. Just hold me please. I need to know that you're real."

…

At a slight distance the other five who loved her stood and watched the reunion. Castle sighed and Becket hugged him into her side and spoke to him softly.

"She'll be here in a moment. Just give them a little time."

"I know," he answered. "It's just… it's strange. I knew it would happen and I'm glad it's Kevin because I love him too, but still it feels strange. Whenever she was in trouble or pain, the arms she looked for were always mine."

"She loves him."

"She does, indeed. And he loves her. I'm happy for them, I wanted this! But it's still hard to be supplanted, even by someone you care for."

…

The following weekend found Kevin and Alexis back in Philadelphia, as they attended the tenth birthday party of Cathleen's son, Dylan. Kevin had been close to the boy, up to the time he had stopped seeing his siblings, and he was very glad to renew their relationship. He had been looking forward to the visit, but in the aftermath of what had happened, was wary of seeing his mother.

After Alexis had greeted her friends and family waiting to speak to her, and re-assured them that she was fine, he had taken her home, and they had re-affirmed their love for each other in the best way they knew. But later, they had received a call from Niamh making sure they were both OK. Apparently the broadcast had not been confined to the local New York stations, but had hit some of the national ones too, and his family in Philadelphia had all seen him walk out.

Sure enough, his mother asked if she could talk to him, and despite wanting to avoid it, especially in view of the occasion, he decided it was time he faced things head on. He started to speak before she did, wanting to try to finally make her understand why his job was so important to him.

"I'm sorry if you're upset and angry, Ma. But I had to do what I did."

"You could have been killed… again." He closed his eyes briefly, worn out by the same old arguments.

"Thirty-two people, Ma. Thirty-two people are possibly alive because I walked out in front of that building. I must admit that only one of them was in the forefront of my mind, but that is still a true fact."

"It wasn't you he wanted!"

"No, it wasn't. But I'm trained to do things like that. And I knew people had my back, one in particular. I trusted my partner to do what he had to do, to keep me safe. I do get it. I know you worry. I'm your son, of course you do. I worry about Lex, as well, especially after what happened with Jenny. But we can't live our lives controlled by that. I learned that last week."

"Kevin, I was so angry with you when I saw you walk out on the television. I wanted to shake you and ask if you hadn't risked your life enough. But I did understand why you were doing it. Finally, I did understand. Because it wasn't someone telling me you were doing it, and it wasn't conjuring worse case scenarios in my mind. It wasn't even seeing your broken body as we did in the hospital. It was watching my son walk into danger, to safeguard others. And I was so proud of you. So very proud."

By now both Kevin and his mother were in tears, but even as he took her in his arms to comfort her, he knew that finally, finally his mother was on his side.

…

AN: A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	12. The Wedding

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"Makes you think about all those things in your own life that you don't want to put off anymore."_

Kate Beckett - 47 Seconds

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Nuptiis - The Wedding

November 2016

* * *

One Saturday morning in early November, Kevin awoke with his lover in his arms, in a comfortable hotel in Pasadena, California. He lay looking at her for a few moments, counting his blessings, and then wondered if he had time to wake her in the way he wanted to. Turning to look at the clock, he noted the time and then returned his attention to his beautiful companion.

With a satisfied smile he pushed back the bed-sheet and then lowered his mouth to lightly kiss and nip on her breasts, actions which soon morphed into all out suckling. Alexis began to move and moan in appreciation, and his lips moved to the cleft between her breasts and then started to drift south.

Suddenly he felt her hands clamp onto the back of his head, holding him in place. He pushed back and raised his head slightly to look up at her, lifting his eyebrows quizzically.

"What's wrong, Babe? Not in the mood?" There was mirth in his voice and Alexis glared at him, but beneath the glare he could see a hidden smirk, and her eyes contained an amused twinkle.

"I'm always in the mood, when it comes to you, as you well know, but we haven't time for that this morning. You need to go and meet up with Javi."

"It's only six-thirty, Lex. He packed it away last night and should still be asleep. And the longer he sleeps, the better. I've never seen anyone so nervous!" She looked at him silently for a moment, considering his words, and then her face was covered in a full blown smile.

"Well then get to it, Detective. We haven't got all day, you know!"

"Your wish, my lady, as always." And he bent his head and resumed his previous activity which soon had her writhing beneath him.

…

Some time later, Alexis arrived in the hotel dining room and, spotting her father, went to join him.

"Morning, Dad."

"Good morning to you. You look happy."

She smirked at him. "Kevin woke me up early in a very creative way." And she gave him a wink.

"Pumpkin!" said Castle, "I really do not want to know the details of your sex life."

She laughed. "It's OK, Dad, I wouldn't embarrass you like that!" Changing the topic, she added, "Where's Kate?"

"She's already gone over to Lanie's parents' house to help Lanie and her sister get dressed. Are you disappointed you're not a bridesmaid?"

"No. It's only a small wedding and I think two bridesmaids are plenty. Not sure if I'll even want any."

"Ah," said Castle. "Mr. Ryan usually speaks to the parents before he asks that kind of question."

She blushed. "Well, he hasn't asked. Not yet, but he will. And I'm sure you'll be the first to know, Dad. Before me even. Anyway, it's where we want to be eventually. We want children, and to Kevin that means we should be married. And I agree with him, as well.

"So is having children the only reason you'd get married?"

"No... My life's with Kevin. It always will be. I don't need a piece of paper to confirm that. But the sentiment behind the paper, that does matter. I'd like to tell everyone what he means to me. And I'd like to hear him declare it too. I want to be married to Kevin, to build a life with him, and to give him children."

Castle gently smiled at her. "It's the most precious gift your mom ever gave me," he said softly. Then his whole face lit up with laughter, and he spoke louder. "Actually the only gift your mom ever gave me! Meredith thought it more blessed to receive than to give!" She laughed with him, and then his face softened again. "Seriously. It's the best gift you'll ever give him - except for maybe your love."

…

Ryan watched with amusement as his partner paced the width of the hotel room. He was getting tired just watching him.

"Give it a break, Javi. You'll be worn out before you even get to the altar at this rate!"

"You just wait 'til it's your turn."

"Nah, I won't be nervous; I've done it before, and got it down pat, now." He noticed Esposito silently staring at him, and added, "What?"

"Listen to you. No hesitation. No protest of 'if', not 'when'!"

"Well that's because it is 'when', Javi. Jenny was my past. She'll always have a place in my heart, and I'll never let go of the memories we made together. But Lex, she's my future."

"So how does Alexis feel about you not completely letting go of Jenny and still holding onto the past?"

"That's what's so amazing about her. Well one of the things, anyway. Lex never wanted Jenny's place, she forged one of her own. One of the really good things about our relationship is that there's nothing hidden, no no-go areas. We can talk about anything. It does help that she knew Jenny, if only slightly, because she can visualize her when we talk; but the main thing is that I can talk about Jenny and she doesn't shut it off or become jealous. I don't have to put my past away, because Lex gets that my past life experiences, including the ones I shared with Jenny, are what made me who I am today. And you know what, I'm incredibly lucky that that's the man she loves and wants to spend her life with."

"Sounds like you need to snap her up and not let her get away."

"Oh, don't you worry. I'll be asking Lex the big question, very soon. I already have the ring, but I wanted to wait and not take it away from your big day… It's been a long time coming!"

"Well you're right about that. The way you are, so open to people, I never could figure how you survived undercover; but me, I'm all closed off and don't like admitting things, even to myself. Lanie is the same as well. This day would probably have come a lot sooner if we'd brought your brand of honesty and openness into our relationship from the start. But, we finally managed it, and that's when the relationship started to go well. And you know something? That's indirectly down to you as well. It was talking about you to each other when you were missing, that finally got us around to talking about ourselves and our relationship. So thanks, Bro. You truly are my 'best' man."

…

Kate was coping with a bride in a similar state to her future husband and it was so uncharacteristic of Lanie that it was driving her mad.

"Do you think he'll really be there?"

"Lanie! You've asked me that five times already. He WILL be there. Esposito does not let people down."

"I know that, but… do you think he'll really want to be?"

"Lanie, where is this coming from? This is not you! He loves you. He's so marriage-shy that there is no way he would have asked you if he didn't want to marry you."

"I know that as well! Look what that man has brought me to. It's just I've never wanted anything as much as I want this. Even my doctorate didn't mean as much to me. That's pretty pathetic, isn't it?"

Kate gave her friend a warm smile. "No, it's not. It just means you finally listened to your own advice."

"Uh?"

"You were constantly on my back about me denying my feelings for Castle, and at the same time, you were denying how you really felt about Espo."

"You weren't just denying your feelings. You were frustrated as hell! We had fun even after we split. We had booty calls!"

"But you must admit this is better than just fun. This is the full package."

Lanie finally smiled. "Yes, girl, you are right. At least it will be better when we get past this pesky ceremony. I should have agreed with him when he said to elope."

"And deny us all sharing this with you? No way! You came to my wedding, and you are not doing me out of this one. It's a day I never thought would come."

"Hm mm… You and me both! … But you really think Javi will be there?"

"LANIE!"

…

By the time they turned to face the small congregation, and were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Esposito, they both wondered what all their worry had been about. As soon as they had set eyes on the other, all the panic had fled and they had declared their love for one another in clear firm voices. The confidence of these two forceful personalities had returned in full. Javier had back his macho stance and Lanie had recovered all her sass.

But there was something extra there now. Whereas before, even after they were living together, the confidence sprang from themselves as individuals, now that was added to by the total confidence they had in each other. For the first time since their friends had known them, the belief and trust in each other was displayed for all to see.

Their reception lasted through the evening and long into the night. It was a joyous occasion, memorable in many ways for all who attended, few though they were. As Alexis had noted to her dad, it was a small and intimate wedding but that didn't mean it was a quiet affair, by any means. The wine flowed freely, the laughter was ever present and the music was raucous and loud.

They had wanted to keep it a family affair. But family of course had to include the friends they considered to be family as well, so in addition to Javi's mother, and Lanie's parents and sister, there were Michael Collins and Sonya Nolan, Lanie's medical study-buds from her training days, Ike and Carol and of course the contingent from the Twelfth. That included Martha, and Jim Beckett, but also Roselyn Karpowski, her romantic partner Joe Curtis, and her homicide partner, Pete Merton.

The bond Esposito had formed with the two detectives, while they searched for Ryan, had never been forgotten, and that bond had been deepened since with every case they worked together. Karpowski and Merton were always the first choice when they needed extra hands from the demands of a case. Despite knowing the bond they now shared, they hadn't realized how highly Esposito rated them and were both overwhelmed and touched to be included.

...

As they had discovered in the Old Haunt a year or so before, the quiet and reticent Pete Merton appeared to experience a personality change when he drank, and this night was no exception. He kept them all entertained with non-stop funny stories and also appeared to be bonding closely with Lanie's sister, Marla. She had just as much sass as her sister, and was the type of person Merton would normally have been terrified of. He was getting more used to Lanie, but still preferred his partner to deal with her if possible. Ryan stood watching him dancing with Marla at one point and whispered in Alexis' ear.

"If things work out this could give Karpowski a break from always being the one to visit autopsy. Maybe he won't avoid Lanie so much when she's his sister-in-law." She turned to look at him watching the dance with a smirk on his face, and nudged him in the ribs.

"Give them a chance, Kev, they've only just met!"

"Would keep it in the family. Although, actually, she's not really met him yet; sober anyway."

She laughed. "You're evil! Put those thoughts away and concentrate on me. Let's dance."

He laughed back at her. "Why not." And he gathered her in his arms and took her to the floor. Most of the other revellers stopped to watch them, as he swept her in a waltz. Since being together their dancing had improved, as it was an activity they both enjoyed and practiced often. They were completely in tune with all the moves of the other, and were a joy to watch. Neither was really aware of the audience, as when they were wrapped in each other's arms, they only existed for themselves.

...

Lanie and Javi stayed with them until the bitter end. When the evening was well underway, and Kevin asked Javi if they were leaving soon, he just looked at him with an amazed expression.

"Plenty of time to get to the wedding night, Bro. We have two weeks vacation. This is the best damned party I've been to in years and I'm not gonna miss a minute!" Kevin couldn't stop laughing at that.

"Only you, Javi, only you!" he gasped out between laughs, "But I must admit you are right about it being a damned fine party!"

...

Javier's expression when he rolled the garter down his new wife's leg, however, indicated that actually getting to that wedding night was quite high on his agenda despite his words. And his lecherous expression had them all laughing again, and Lanie smacking his hand. He was so distracted by it that he didn't concentrate on direction and just flung it away, straight into Castle's hand to the protest of the few unmarried men who were there. Though if anything, Castle's guilty expression made them laugh even harder.

Unlike the garter, the bouquet did fly in the right direction, and as Alexis found herself clutching the beautiful scented flowers, Kevin caught her in his arms and kissed her thoroughly to a roar of approval from those present.

"What you waiting for, Bro?" called out Javi, who had by now recovered from his distraction. "You said you had the ring, so now's the time. Get your girl before she goes off with someone else!" Kevin looked down at the beauty blushing in his arms, and then at the encouraging faces surrounding him. Castle smiled and nodded his approval, and Kevin returned the smile and then went down on his knees before her. '_I seem fated to always do this in public!_' he thought and then looked up at Alexis' face. She was smiling down at him in hopeful anticipation, and her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"My lady Eowyn," he started in a clear loud voice which all around him could hear. "You are my lover, and my comfort, my hope and my salvation, my joy and my light. Would you care to add another title onto that list and become my wife?"

She smiled at him through her tears and said, "Well that would depend, dear Sir. Are there any more dragons to be slain?"

"Nay, lady, you've killed them all."

"Then I would say the future is ours. So yes, be my husband and I'll be your wife." And she pulled him to his feet and kissed him back for all she was worth, while those surrounding them cheered. All of their words had not made sense to the others, but the 'become my wife?' and the 'yes, be my husband' had gotten through.

"See what I mean?" Castle murmured to his wife. "Totally cryptic!"

...

So as one momentous event was ending, another was starting, and Kevin knew what he'd said to Alexis was true. She HAD slain all the dragons. There may be more to face in the future, because no-one could see what would come, but for now they were all dead and buried. With her help, he'd faced his fears, repaired his bonds with his family and renewed his hopes in life.

But she hadn't brought him through from the darkness alone. Most of those surrounding them had played their part and offered a helping hand to guide him back from the shadows. They had led him into a bright world to this time, and this place where his future was assured.

He'd come through the darkness, and now he had his future, and his lady, and he was bathed in her incandescent light...

…

AN:

Well that SHOULD be all folks, because my muse kind of took over towards the end and kicked Kevin into proposing before I'd originally planned! _However_ I have some things already written meant to go in the two more planned chapters, so there will be an epilogue! Lol

Also Firestar385 has requested a missing scene, giving more detail to the dinner party at the loft in '_chapter 7 The Castle Family_' and I thought it would be nice to dip back into this universe from time to time with missing and future scenes.

I DO have a couple in mind myself but am happy to take requests and will write them to the best of my ability. The scenes can be anywhere from the prologue in darkness, through flashes, and to the end of incandescence and beyond. Just PM and let me know and also if you would like some artwork to go with it.

A HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Please let me know what you think. All constructive criticism is welcomed - I haven't written in quite a while and the only way to improve is to take on board other people's comments. I hope you will enjoy the reading journey as much as I am enjoying the writing one.

Bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


	13. The Epilogue

Per Adversa Ad Luce - Through Adversity to the Light A novella in three parts Part Three: Candorem - Incandesence

Established canon up to Kate's return to the 12th, with references and possible spoilers.

Rated M - for mature themes and content

I don't own Castle - ABC Studios and Andrew Marlowe do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while to play.

I am not making any money from this; it's just to freeshare with my ff friends.

* * *

_"I believe in the everyday magic of life."_

Kate Beckett - The Fast and the Furriest

* * *

Epilogum - The Epilogue

November 2016

* * *

Alexis stood at the window of their tiny apartment and thought about the events following Kevin's proposal at the wedding of two of their closest friends. As she had told her father, she knew he would ask her eventually but the actual timing had taken her totally by surprise. To be truthful, although he had told her he had planned to ask her just after their return from the wedding, the timing probably took him by surprise as well.

Any doubt she had had that he had been pushed into it, though, was totally erased when he had graced her finger with a breathtaking ring as soon as they returned home. It was right there, sitting in the drawer at his side of the bed, and confirmed once more his total commitment to her. He was a little hesitant of her reaction, when she just stared at it, and, misinterpreting her reaction for distaste, had rushed to say it could be easily changed for something more traditional if she didn't like it.

"It just… I don't know… It's unique, like you are!"

She looked up into his face and smiled through a sheen of tears. "It's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen," she had said breathlessly and then caught him to her in a loving kiss.

'_It is beautiful… and unique_,' she thought as she looked down at her finger and once more admired the ring placed there. The band of the ring consisted of two strings of fine gold twisted together, one yellow and one white, and they were topped with delicate stones forming a perfect square. A square cut diamond and a square cut sapphire of blue as rich as Kevin's eyes sat next to each other but displaced to the top and bottom of the square by further tiny sparkling diamonds, two above one stone, and two below the other. It was graceful and elegant, and it fit her finger perfectly.

So, they'd had the proposal; she had her ring and they'd decided on a date for the wedding the following June. They were going to be pressed to organize it in seven short months, especially as they contained the holidays, but as they didn't want a big fancy affair, it should be do-able. They still had to find a larger place to live as well, but although they would prefer to try to find one before they were married if they could, it wasn't an imperative, and could be done afterwards.

The only immediate thing left was to actually have a celebration of the engagement, but it didn't look as if that would happen, as Thanksgiving was now upon them, and then it would be Christmas, and by then they would have been engaged for nearly two months, and they would have had all the holiday parties, so everyone would be rather partied out. They'd had a _private_ celebration of course, but it would have been nice to celebrate with their families.

Unfortunately, they hadn't even had a chance to tell the Philadelphia family of the engagement in person, never mind celebrate with them; just a couple of telephone calls to let them know it had happened. Kevin had been swamped at work since the wedding, especially being short-handed as Esposito was still on his honeymoon. They were hoping that there would be no call out the following weekend so they could finally get up to Philadelphia.

Alexis knew Kevin would have liked to be with his family for this first Thanksgiving in years he was not estranged from them, but as Castle had organized and invited them to a restaurant for Thanksgiving they had decided to join her dad, Kate, Martha, and Jim instead; and then go to Philadelphia for the weekend. He had said he was relieved he had received no argument from his family over the arrangements, although Alexis secretly thought he had seemed a little upset that no-one had protested, especially his mother. Never mind, they would hopefully see them all at the weekend.

"Ready Babe?" Hearing his voice, she turned and smiled at Kevin as he came into the room, ready to leave for the restaurant. He'd been late in from work and had rushed to shower, while Alexis, who had had more time, had already been ready, giving her time to muse by the window. He looked very handsome in a dark blue tuxedo, and a bow tie which reflected his eyes. Castle had asked them to dress formally as the meal was at a very high-class restaurant.

"Wow!" she said now. "How long do we have to stay tonight? Because you look good enough to eat and I'm wondering when I can get you back home and out of that gorgeous suit."

He smirked. "Patience, my lady, patience. Everything comes to she who waits."

She laughed at him. "Well then let's go, so I don't have to wait too long!"

…

As they approached the restaurant Kevin asked if she had been to it before.

"No, I think it's a recent find of Dad's, but he said the food's great. They should be in the bar waiting 'cause we are a little late, but the table reservation isn't 'til eight, so that's OK." He ushered her in through the door, and they looked around but could see no sign of a familiar face.

"Can I help you?" The _maître-de_ was at their side and Kevin told him they were there for a reservation in the name of Castle.

"Ah, yes, sir. It's Mr. Ryan and Miss Castle, isn't it? The rest of your party is already here. This way please." To their confusion, he led them up a staircase to the side of the tables, and at the top of the stairs, he opened a door and announced them to whomever was inside another unseen room. As they went through the door there was a shout of "Surprise!" from many voices and a small body barreled into Kevin, and hung on tight to his legs.

With a laugh of disbelief, Kevin hoisted Liam up onto his hip and pulled Alexis into a tight hug at his other side as they looked at everyone there in surprised delight. Everyone from the wedding seemed to be there, apart from Lanie's study-buds, as well as Alexis' mother, Meredith. In addition, there was also all of Kevin's family and he shook his head as he realized why none of them had seemed too upset he and Alexis would not be in Philadelphia for Thanksgiving. Then he caught sight of Castle, standing there with a beaming smile and raised eyebrows and he shook his head again, and laughed.

"A small family dinner you said," he admonished him.

Castle just shrugged. "You're engaged, AND it's Thanksgiving. What better time to have a party and be thankful that you are both in all our lives?" Kevin smiled again and then briefly parted from Alexis so that he could hug and greet their family and friends.

…

It was a wonderful night. Castle had been right about the food. It was delicious, with all the finesse and polish of a high-class restaurant, and yet it managed to capture the home-baked feel of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was the best Kevin had tasted in years, and there was a pumpkin pie to die for. In fact, he nearly died laughing as he looked at the blissful expression on Alexis' face as she ate some. His fiancée did LOVE her desserts!

But however wonderful the food was, it was the people that mattered more, Kevin thought as he looked around the room. His partner had returned, looking calmer and more settled than he had in years. Marriage was truly suiting him. To Kevin's amusement, his prophecy about Pete Merton seemed to be coming true, as he was again 'thick as thieves' with Marla, and now they HAD met while he was sober and still appeared to be enjoying each other's company. Mind you, Merton was well on his way to his happy place now as the evening was progressing.

His family also appeared to be really enjoying themselves, with his mother smiling and laughing more than he could remember; and Niamh happily chatting away with her favorite writer. And then there was the writer himself. The man LOVED a good party and Alexis was his only daughter so it could be thought that he would organize something like this just for her to celebrate her engagement, but Kevin knew Alexis had been right when she'd said he loved him as well. From the moment in the hospital through the fog of pain Castle's voice had been the one to ground him and encourage him to return, and then the writer had trusted him with his most precious possession, his beautiful and amazing daughter.

After the meal, a band joined them, as Castle had arranged for music and dancing. It was as much of a joy for Kevin to see his mother enjoying dancing again and to dance with her himself, as it was to dance as many dances as possible with Alexis. Towards the end of the night Castle told him that Alexis had let drop that he and his siblings also used to sing and asked him to join with Niamh and welcome in the Christmas season with '_Fairytale of New York_'. Despite shaking his head in mock anger at Alexis for blabbing, he and Niamh agreed to perform, although the flowing wine might have something to do with his decision, as he usually was embarrassed to sing in public. As he sang the slow first verse his concentration on Niamh slipped and his eyes fixed on Alexis as he sang the last few words:

"_So happy Christmas,_

_I love you baby_

_I can see a better time_

_When all our dreams come true."_

And then with a smile his eyes snapped back to Niamh as she continued into the faster second verse. His siblings joined in for each chorus and by the last chorus everyone present was singing and laughing.

"_The boys of the NYPD choir_

_Still singing 'Galway Bay'_

_And the bells are ringing out_

_For Christmas Day._"

This, all this, is what made life worth living. To be surrounded by all the people in the world he cared about was a wonderful feeling, and that they all wanted to share in the joy and delight of this night with him made his feel truly blessed and thankful. This was a Thanksgiving which would live in his heart forever.

…

AN:

So we've reached the end of the journey, except for those missing scenes. I hope you've all enjoyed the journey as much as I have - please let me know.

The missing scenes should start posting soon, but will probably not be as regular as this has been as I have embarked on another couple of journeys I started a few years ago, but this has given me the confidence to complete and share. Those projects are from the Stargate and Downton Abbey fandoms so may not be to your taste; but as I said there will be missing scenes in this universe (under the title Snapshots from the Per Adversa Verse) and I hope to return to Castle when those other stories are complete.

Remember if you would like a missing or future scene writing, let me know and I will write it to the best of my ability as soon as I can. The scenes can be anywhere from the prologue in darkness, through flashes, and to the end of incandescence and beyond. Also include if you would like some artwork to go with your scene.

A HUGE, HUGE thank you to Firestar385 for beta reading, Americanizing and generally correcting this work. Any remaining mistakes are mine!

Finally once again bookart for this work can be found on my tumblr blog: lsmwalls _period_ tumblr _period_ com [ / ] image [ / ] 65824702381


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